Coaching for Growth – Leading with the Heart like Sophia Casey

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Now, listen, we've already gotten to the conversation. My guest, Sophia Casey, is a master certified coach and CEO of ICLI rising coaching program. Now jump into this conversation with us and be inspired to be unstoppable and take action with your life and dreams. Let's go. Why not you? [00:00:20] Speaker B: I'm going through a lot, you know, life transitions. Our son going to college. Well, actually, he's in a college program right now. But I. So, you know, just life shifts. And I feel like I just need some space to just exhale and get my grounding, have some conversations, like you said, with the divine right. [00:00:45] Speaker A: You do. [00:00:46] Speaker B: Yes, I do. I need it. I need it. People tease me and say I go on vacation so much because I do that a lot. I'll just go for a weekend and I. That's my time. I got to have it. Got to have it. [00:01:02] Speaker A: And just. Just talking to you, you remind me so much of my auntie who's a family marriage, like, family marriage therapist. Oh, wow. Down in West Covina. [00:01:17] Speaker B: Okay. Yes. [00:01:21] Speaker A: My auntie, she is working, is my dad's younger sister, and she's like, Derek, I'm so busy just talking to people, pouring into people. I'm turning away. I'm turning away people. And I just need some time for my, you know, for myself, you know? She has a gorgeous backyard that's almost like a resort, the way it's set up. I mean, we had our family reunion there. [00:01:44] Speaker B: It's like, oh, it's really not in the backyard. That means. But still, it's something about just leaving your four walls and going to another four walls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Certainly as an executive coach, it's a lot of pouring out. [00:02:05] Speaker A: Right? [00:02:06] Speaker B: Well, that's my opportunity to pour in. Just a couple weeks. Well, maybe about a month ago, I went to a bed and breakfast. It was so nice to just have somebody catering to me. [00:02:15] Speaker A: Right? [00:02:16] Speaker B: There was nothing for me to do but just to be there. [00:02:20] Speaker A: Right. I know. That was nice. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh, it was so nice. It was so nice that I shared it with a girlfriend, and now she's trying to schedule it for November. It was nice. And I'm declaring. I'm going to have more of that. [00:02:38] Speaker A: Absolutely. You have to take care of yourself. I mean, it's so important, right? [00:02:44] Speaker B: It's so important. Especially in such a time as this. You know, we're in a serious political atmosphere. We are thinking about that this weekend. I'm like, you know what I would want to say to. I'm in a lot of groups that are really supporting the soon to be POTUS. And it just came on my spirit to post a message in our Facebook group that said, it's okay to rest also. [00:03:22] Speaker A: It is. [00:03:23] Speaker B: Yeah. We can still fight the power, but we gotta rest. And then I heard a person say it. Something like, work, but rest and rest to work. And it's that second piece. Even when I say it now, I still feel it's like, oh, yeah, rest in order to work. And that's something that God has really been really working with me on, like, big time. You are being productive, Sophia. Lay back down. Lay back down. You're still being productive. You've been productive. When you're reading your devotional and, you know you're listening to me, that's still productive. My brain coming from corporate and then federal government. My brand's wired. That was wired. Past tense. Yes. Was wired to relate to that. That ain't working. [00:04:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:17] Speaker B: And people know. Say it all the time. It never. It never bothers me. Oh, you're such a workaholic. I love to work. [00:04:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:25] Speaker B: I love my work. I love what I do. [00:04:28] Speaker A: Exactly. I get it. And so that's. I believe that would be one of the reasons why you gonna love Costa Rica, right? Is because you get there. So, like, the last time I went, I took my daughter there in December, and I told her, I was like, your life is never gonna change or be the same. And after we left, she was like, dad, you're right. Because you get into a place where everybody's not rushing, there's no urgency, but you could just relax. And now you're. Now you're in this place of, like, peace. And you could be creative to be who you are and everything. And so now you start receiving, like, all these downloads from God. And it's like, okay, now I know what it's like to be in a place because you might feel like you're going slow, but you're actually more productive because you're more focused. And it's. I'm game changing. [00:05:28] Speaker B: I'm seeing. Okay, look, I'm about to book this as soon as we finish up. That's gonna be with me. I'm doing on my lunch break. And the thing is, I am saying that that is not. It's not just cliche, because you hear people say it all the time. God gets arrest pouring to you so you can pour into other people. And I was one to one constantly saying it. But now, like that, I'm. So. I'm being intentional about paying attention and being intentional about having quiet time with my divine team, as I call. [00:06:02] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:05] Speaker B: I can literally see the difference between when I have a weekend of where I had to run a whole bunch of errands or, you know, clean the house or with all this stuff with my son and blah, blah, blah. That, versus when I literally sat on the couch or laid on the couch the majority of the weekend just reading, journaling, doing what I want to do, listening to podcasts, which I'm addicted to. It's a completely different feeling on Monday. [00:06:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:36] Speaker B: Like, so much so, too. I can't, like, when people say, oh, God, it's Monday, I'm like, I what? [00:06:42] Speaker A: It's like, yay, let's go. [00:06:47] Speaker B: Yeah, I definitely am starting to really, really see the difference. Yeah. [00:06:54] Speaker A: And one of the things I love just about your story is, you know, you leave in corporate to do what you love to do. And here I am. I'm in a place right now. I'm a sergeant with the local law enforcement agency here with Sac county sheriff's office. [00:07:13] Speaker B: Oh, wow. [00:07:14] Speaker A: And I'm awesome. I'm trying. I'm working my way off the transition up out of there because law enforcement isn't the same anymore. But it's also like when you feel a calling on your life, and I've had the calling on my life when I attended Fuller University, going through this spiritual formation class, and we're reading the book of Psalm, and we. And we're just going through it, listening to themes, listening to key words that stand out, what God is revealing. And all of a sudden, I hear evangelism, and I was like, lord, that ain't me. You ain't called me to do no type of evangelism. But the thing is, we don't know what evangelism looks like. [00:07:59] Speaker B: No. [00:07:59] Speaker A: You know, we all associated with just speaking from the pulpit, but, you know, you just go out there and share some goodness, some kind words, uplift people, and share the gospel in a way that you do with your unique skills and gifts that God has given you and you doing it. And so that's one of the reasons why I started the podcast. I was like, here we go. Let's get it out. And now it slowly transitioned to the transformation piece in coaching, which is where you come in, and that's where it all started, I'm telling you. [00:08:30] Speaker B: And I know you also hear, and first of all, thank you for your service. One of the things I'll say about law enforcement is that we're getting closer and closer to it. It's being brought to us more and more the benefit of what could be the benefit of us training officers and administrators and personnel, the staff, too, on coaching skills. Yeah, it's coming, getting closer and closer. Like, I keep running into people. Now you see it. I'm like, wow, okay. Yeah, it's getting closer and closer. And I know that, you know, God is. He's working on. He's orchestrating something around that, and I'm like, I'm here and ready. [00:09:19] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right. [00:09:21] Speaker B: When you have a calling, I try to explain this, you know, a lot, because people ask me all the time, like, oh, my God, you like when we go through your coach training, it's not like training. It's like one lady said, I feel like I have been to, like, a revival. And I said, it is because I've been anointed to do this work. Like purpose. I feel like crying. I'm grateful purpose to do this work to where I tell people, like, I don't feel like I had a choice. I mean, he never presented me with a choice. I imagine if I was presented with a choice, maybe I was still chosen. But I. I literally feel my sales were put together and with the DNA and everything, and I was created to do what I'm doing now. [00:10:15] Speaker A: Wow. [00:10:16] Speaker B: I really do. And I know that there's something else. I know it's more for him. And we have. We're having lots of conversations about. Mm hmm. But I just did a workshop about a week or so ago on operating in your zone of genius, and now I'm taking that conversation on the road, like, how much it hit me and hit the people who were there. And what I said to the attendees is training and coaching and supporting coaches and mentoring coaches. Like, that is. Those are my zones of genius. I don't have to have a script. I don't have to have lesson plans. Nothing, because he gave it to me. [00:11:07] Speaker A: That's right. [00:11:09] Speaker B: I'm good to go. [00:11:10] Speaker A: You are. [00:11:11] Speaker B: And the part where I start to feel overwhelmed and stressed. I'm telling you, Derek, all I have to do is look, is this in your. Or ask myself, is this in your zone of genius? [00:11:25] Speaker A: No. [00:11:26] Speaker B: You creating a spreadsheet. I did it this morning because I wanted it done. But me going and copying and pasting this data and putting it on a spreadsheet, it's not in my zone of genius. It's in my zone of competence. I know how to do. And so I allowed myself, I said, sophia, you're going to give yourself 15 minutes to work on this, because this is not in your zone of genius. And I'm committed. I have literally said this last week, Derek. I'm committed to I only want to work in my zone of genius. [00:11:59] Speaker A: That's it. [00:12:00] Speaker B: And at first, I was feeling like that is a lot to ask for, Sophia, you asking God to I only want to work in my zone of genius. And I said, he told me to ask for what I want. [00:12:11] Speaker A: That's right. [00:12:12] Speaker B: That's what I want. And I know he's adding other things to my bucket called zone of genius too. [00:12:18] Speaker A: Right? [00:12:18] Speaker B: I'm excited about that, but I don't know what that is. So for right now, yes. And I said to the attendees, if you don't remember anything I said today, just remember to ask yourself, is this my zone achieves, like, what I'm doing right now? [00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:37] Speaker B: And if it's not, I said, you'll never hear coach Sophia say, quit your job. You will never, ever. I quit mine, but you won't ever hear me give that advice to someone else. But ask yourself, is this in my zone of genius? And if it's not, then what? Then what? Because I experience so much joy doing this work, and it's because it's alignment. I really do believe that. Of course you don't feel joy. You're aligning, you're aligned, and you don't feel joy. When you over there playing with them spreadsheets, you are out of alignment with your zone of genius. So I've just been fascinated by that work. It comes from a book by an author, gay Hendricks, and the book is called the Big Leap. And it was life changing for me. [00:13:32] Speaker A: Was it really the big leap? [00:13:33] Speaker B: The big leap. He talks about being in your zone of genius, or at least aiming to being your zone of genius and taking a look at all the things, the barriers, the challenges, the saboteurs, the drama, because the upper limit issue, all the upper limit issues that keep stopping you and preventing you from being there, from getting there. And I'm like, wow. [00:14:05] Speaker A: And I. And I know. Hold up, ladies and gentlemen. We already started the conversation. We already started. Let me introduce Sophia. [00:14:20] Speaker B: Hi, everyone. [00:14:22] Speaker A: Sophia Casey. She's a master certified coach, and she's an authorization. And one of the things I love about her is just her humble spirit of teaching and operating in her gift, and she loves doing what she's doing to elevate other people. Amen. Let's just continue on this conversation, because. [00:14:48] Speaker B: We were getting this, and, you know, it's like when I worked for the federal government, you know, I had wonderful jobs. But those jobs, now that I look back, you know, and I did well, I'm so grateful. You know, was really young and got moved up very quickly. I was operating. Most times, I was operating in my zone of competence or maybe even my zone of excellence. But the times where I got the opportunity to go and train someone on something or support them around goal setting and moving forward, I remember those times specifically because I felt different. And that is the reason that I took a big leap of faith and I left. Friends would say I left my good government job. I did. It's like I couldn't. I could not not do it right. I had to do it. I had to do it because once I got that taste of coaching people and literally seeing transformation. [00:15:58] Speaker A: Yes. [00:15:59] Speaker B: And breakthroughs right there in front of my face, I'm like, I'll take it. I'll take it. [00:16:08] Speaker A: And I think that's hard for some people to do, even though they recognize something that they're good at, because it's that you get to a place of comfort and you're like, I don't want to leave this comfort and risk losing it by stepping out on faith and doing something that I love to do. [00:16:24] Speaker B: Yes. And I. And, you know, what's more comfortable than a good federal government job alone with good benefits and all of that? And I, you know, had moved to as high as you can go, you know, being one of the senior executives. And like I said, it was good. I'm grateful. But when I got a taste of coaching and coach training, it was like a bug bit me. I'm like, what is this? Yeah. And I'm addicted to it. I'm addicted to it. [00:17:01] Speaker A: Yeah. And so what was, like, what was going on in your life at that time where you, like, I guess, where you actually discovered or, you know, just kind of developed that passion for coaching was like, you know what? This is something I need to. I need to. I need to dig a little bit deeper to find out what this is about. [00:17:20] Speaker B: Yes. I, um. So I was, uh. One of my coaches loves to tease me about this, but, um. So there I was, you know, government employee. I worked a lot. I worked a lot. You know, I'm grateful that I was able to be in the positions that I was in, but I worked a lot. I worked a lot with executives who also worked a lot. [00:17:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:17:41] Speaker B: And, I mean, it was just normal to work ten, 1112, up to 16 hours a day. So that's what I was doing, and that was my normal. No, genius, but it was my, it was just. It just became my normal. And a sorority sister shout out to DST. [00:18:04] Speaker A: My sorority sister, this girl said, she's a zeta, y'all. She's a zeta. [00:18:09] Speaker B: No, I said, dst. [00:18:11] Speaker A: Okay, there you go. [00:18:14] Speaker B: No offense to my Zeta sisters, though. [00:18:19] Speaker A: Okay, I see. I see you. [00:18:23] Speaker B: So. So my sorority sister, I noticed, like, something had changed about her. I'm like, I kept coming to her like, something is different. And she was like, really? So finally she's like, okay, Sophia, I've been working with a life coach, you know, just around my finances and my relationship to finance. I'm like, oh, okay. And she's like, well, if you want his information, here. Here's his information. So I called him. He set up a sample session with me. He's like, okay, we can do the session. No cost to you. I'm telling you, not even halfway through the sample session, I was like, you're hired. You're hired. Because I had never experienced having, like, breakthroughs that fast and having so much. It's almost like a veil being lifted off your eyes. That's how it felt. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I'm hooked. Yep, you're hired. Good. Got my coach, and then I worked with him for quite some time, and then he invited me to a coach training program to see coaches be trained right there in the room. And we got to sit on the perimeter of the room. Same thing about. And it was supposed to be about. We were going to. We were invited to be there about an hour, but I would say about not even 30 minutes into it, I turned to him, I said, where do I sign up for this? This is what I'm supposed to be doing. And he was like, really? I was like, yeah, just where do I go? So I literally went next door, really, registration. And I signed up then, and that program was $16,500. Now, did I have $16,500 that I didn't have to take out of my retirement? No. But I did what I needed to do. I worked to actually generate the $16,500. And I'm so grateful that I did. I'm so grateful. And then I was trained as an ontological coach, which means we don't just focus on goal setting. We definitely support you around that. Of course, our clients around being forward focused and moving their goals forward, but we also focus a lot on who you. You are. Who are you being as you pursue those goals. [00:20:40] Speaker A: Yes. [00:20:40] Speaker B: So I was hooked. Just seeing a little bit of that training. I was hooked. And I thank God. Fast forward. Eleven years now, later, actually have my own coach training school where people get to experience that. So that was it. That was my long winded way of saying I was an overworked government employee, a workaholic. [00:21:08] Speaker A: Yeah, but you said something that was, I think that was, that was really key. And it's paying for, paying the 16,000 for the coaching program because I believe a lot of people, they might know that they need to be changed or they know something needs to change within them, but they don't want to. They always, they put a price tag to things and they feel like, oh, I can't afford this or I can't afford that. But when you think about the long term, what are you losing if you don't take that step? What is it costing you in the long run? [00:21:45] Speaker B: That's it right there. And how much does it cost you? Yeah, like there's no, I imagine there's no comparison to the cost. Right. And the thing about, you know, money objections, because, you know, as a coach, of course, you know, I'm having sample sessions with people. You do the same thing. You get to that point, they're like, oh, this is so great, so helpful. Okay, and here's my rate. And it's like, oh, wow. One lady, when I told her what my rate was, she said, what? That's my mortgage payment. I said, I understand. [00:22:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:22] Speaker B: And the thing is, when people get, when we, when I get to that point in conversations with potential clients, I say just what you said, partly, like, what is it costing you not to actually pursue your goals and pursue your dreams? What is it costing you? And the thing about it is what I teach in our coach training program, and it's been so helpful to me in my life, is if I want it, then I'm going to go generate the money to have it. [00:22:53] Speaker A: Right? [00:22:55] Speaker B: If I want it, right? [00:22:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:22:57] Speaker B: And we do that all the time. Right? You want some red bottoms? Come on. Now. What do you do if you really want those red? You go find the money. Well, finding the money means generating the money you go generate so that you can actually have what it is that you say you want. And so I just, now I'm living in a space of, I could have anything I want. I could have anything I want. Am I willing to generate whatever the money, the time, whatever, to actually have it? And that's really the deciding point. And sometimes my answer has been, no, no, I'm not willing to generate the money or the time to go do that. [00:23:42] Speaker A: No, not, that's good. You know, there's so many things that you could just take away. And I think one of the first things I think about is just belief, because somebody, I mean, you could. You're being told you already know what you should be doing, and you believe that if I do this, my life is going to change. If I make this decision, I believe my life is going to change. But it's almost like, not until that person is actually convicted on their heart to actually do something, that's when they actually start taking some type of step. Because I believe, like, if I eat healthy and exercise on a daily, I could lose weight. I get in shape. But are you convicted enough to actually take the steps and do it? [00:24:31] Speaker B: That's the piece. Like, how committed are you to doing it? And the other thing is, like, you know, I work with. I mentor a lot of coaches, and you can imagine what comes up in the conversation. A lot is, oh, I'm not getting anyone to hire me, and I don't have any clients, or I don't have a lot of clients. And I always ask them, like, what are you doing? What are you doing to generate it? You know, like, with no judgment, just, what are you doing to actually generate what it is that you want? Well, okay, so you actually haven't even talked to anybody in the last three weeks, right? So what are you doing to actually generate it? And that's why I say, I believe we can have whatever we want. He says, and he says we can have the desires of our heart. [00:25:21] Speaker A: Right. [00:25:22] Speaker B: But you got to be willing to do some work. [00:25:24] Speaker A: You got to. [00:25:28] Speaker B: You got to do the work. And then sometimes you're just blessed just because you didn't have to do any work, which I really feel is still work. You did work. At some point in your life, you be able to receive and experience this blessing somewhere. You probably have done the work. [00:25:48] Speaker A: Yeah. I have a quote I want to share, and I want to get your thoughts on it. And it's from John Wooden. [00:25:59] Speaker B: Love John wooden. [00:26:01] Speaker A: Basically, it is bad coaching comes from ego. Good coaching comes from the heart. [00:26:10] Speaker B: That is so. Oh, my gosh. That is spot on. That is spot on. I am so taking that. Thank you. I am so taking that back to my coach training school because we talk a lot about and the coaching students get to have a lot of discussions around quieting the performer, which is what you just said. That's ego. The more you're willing to turn down the volume on your performer and performing for this client, I believe that opens up more space for you to lead with heart. [00:26:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:26:51] Speaker B: Right. And I feel like that's giving them permission to do the same. [00:26:54] Speaker A: That's it. [00:26:56] Speaker B: And then it's just like, the mojo, the holy ghost. Everything, like, literally lines up. And that's when we, as coaches, get to experience our clients having breakthroughs and, like, shifting their lives in a major way because we turn down the volume on our ego. [00:27:21] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:27:22] Speaker B: And then. Cause we're not telling them what to do. Ego says, I'm gonna tell you what to do. That's a consultant. You can hire me as that, too. Cause I am a consultant as well. But if you hired me as a coach, I'm not telling you what to do. Every now and then, I'll sprinkle in some suggestions, a little advice, but I'm not leading with that. [00:27:41] Speaker A: Yeah, right. [00:27:42] Speaker B: My ego says I need to lead with that. I think about the people that I coached. First of all, I could not give them a lot of suggestions and advice because I'm not an expert in their field. No. Like, one of the clients I have is, let's just say this person would be the equivalent of the third or fourth person in command, if you will, at Hewlett Packard. So I'm changing all the information, of course. And so how could I offer that client my expertise and suggestions and advice? I don't know anything about servers and mainframes and cloud computers. I know how to turn on this computer. [00:28:28] Speaker A: That's right. [00:28:29] Speaker B: Do what I need to do and turn it off. Right. So I'm so grateful that I got to this place in this coaching work where the light bulb finally went off. Like, oh, I don't have to be an expert at what they're an expert at, and I can still support them. Like, yeah, that's just the best. It's the best. It is the best, and I get paid for it. Come on. [00:28:56] Speaker A: Come on, now. [00:29:00] Speaker B: Sign me up for that gig, because on our jobs, right, we're expected to be the experts. [00:29:06] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, that's right. [00:29:08] Speaker B: Now I do my work. I do, you know, do a lot of research. Always the continuous learner, forever. I always will be. And I still don't have to go, you know, cram really fast before I meet with that client who's the head of servers and mainframe. I can laugh now, but I tell you, I was doing that when I first started coaching. Oh, my gosh. Like, oh, my gosh. I gotta go read up on this because I'm sure, you know, she or he, they're gonna ask me about this. [00:29:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Not even. [00:29:45] Speaker B: And if they do well, even if they do. [00:29:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:48] Speaker B: My answer is I don't know. [00:29:51] Speaker A: Right? [00:29:52] Speaker B: I don't know. But who could you reach out to to support you around that question, right? Took it off of me. Took it off my ego. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Helping them find their own solution. [00:30:07] Speaker B: I was back right before the session. I'm like, Risa, I'm on Google. And then, of course, most times they wouldn't even ask me anything about. They're experts in their own industry. They don't need me to be one. [00:30:22] Speaker A: Now, do you prefer coaching one on one or in groups in a cohort? [00:30:28] Speaker B: I actually like. I like both. I like both. I love coaching groups of managers. I love coaching groups of managers. I love coaching teams. Oh, my God. Love coaching teams. But I will always do one on one coaching, too. I know that. I'm clear about, like, even I don't, I don't take on a lot of one on one clients. I only take on five. And then all my other clients, mainly corporate clients. But I tell you, I will always have that space open for the one on one because it's a different level of, it's a different level of engagement when I'm one on one with them and I feel like I get the opportunity to support them on a deeper level in a different way, if that makes sense. [00:31:20] Speaker A: It does. It does. [00:31:23] Speaker B: Yeah. So what I try to do is combine them. See, I can have everything I want. So somebody hires me, a corporation hires me. This just happened, actually, to come in, work with their team, do some training, some team building training, also provide, I provided one on one coaching to the entire team. That's 50 people. So I combined both. I got the one on one coaching, and then I use some of the information that they shared with me, not giving away their confidences, but use some of the information, some of the trends and patterns I was hearing, some of the barriers that I was hearing to then go design this team building training. [00:32:02] Speaker A: Got it. [00:32:03] Speaker B: So I got my one on one. I got to work with the whole team and then follow on. What I'm going to suggest they do is that every, at least once a month that they actually come back together and then have me or my colleagues do some team coaching. [00:32:18] Speaker A: That's it. [00:32:20] Speaker B: Keep moving them forward. Keep moving forward. [00:32:22] Speaker A: Keep moving forward. [00:32:24] Speaker B: Yeah. So I like them both. [00:32:25] Speaker A: That's right. [00:32:26] Speaker B: I like them both. Yeah. I would say team coaching, group coaching, I would say that's. Those are my zones of genius. One on one coaching, I would say, is in my zone of excellence. [00:32:38] Speaker A: Wow. Okay. [00:32:39] Speaker B: Yeah. Which are both good they are. [00:32:42] Speaker A: And so I actually heard you talk about, um, listening and how important it is just to listen. But you also shared, um, a challenge of, like, just being able to be in a place where you didn't have to write everything down. You just had to listen. So when you. When you think about that, was that one of those challenges that you had to overcome? And just how did you, like, how does your faith and stuff help you just kind of push past that moment? [00:33:19] Speaker B: I really appreciate that question. So, I do have a medical challenge that impacts my memory. Right. So I have to work extra hard to remember stuff. And so the way I would compensate for it, even when I was in the grade school, I'm like, I'm that student taking those copious notes. Like, I like everything because I wouldn't always remember it otherwise. And so when I first started coaching, I was doing the same thing, right? Like, oh, my God. Scared I wouldn't remember. I was scared I wouldn't remember. So I had to write it down. Write it down, write it down. And then as I was, I got goosebumps. Okay, come on. Bring it. Break it all down. As I was pursuing the master certified coach credential, which, you know, is the highest level of credentialing in our industry, my mentor coach said, sophia, put the pen down. That's my encouragement to you. Put the pen down. I'm like, wait, what? She was like, stop the note taking. And she challenged me, and I challenged some of my mentees, too. Just put the note taking down. Stop the note taking. Try it for a week. You know, working with your client, you're working with people. You're in a meeting. Just try for one week not to take notes just so you can see what the difference is. And then you get to see how much you do remember. And I was so surprised at how much I actually did retain. Right. And maybe I didn't have all the details then what came to me is the note taking. Oh, he's worried. The note taking was performer. [00:35:09] Speaker A: Wow. [00:35:10] Speaker B: The note taking was performance. Cause I needed to be able to show my executive client that I remembered all this stuff that he just said in this session, right? It was still in performance. As you said earlier, it was still wrapped in ego. Right. And as I started to trust the process of coaching more and to trust that God's got me. Like, God literally sent this person to me. So everything I need to support this person, I already have. And I don't necessarily have to write down every single word that they say. So if you look at my coaching notes. You'd be like, how has she met executive coach? You'd be surprised. Sometimes it's little drawings, little doodles. Sometimes, well, you'll see a lot of my notes are hearts with a cross, which just means, oh, my goodness. They said something that they got an epiphany, or I got a download. A divine download. I'll just note that. But for the most part, I really stopped taking as many notes. Yeah, yeah. And also, you know, goodness, you know, I said, I work with a lot of c suite executives. This is something that has really helped me in my business. I started to pay attention to them, right. Because I'm an executive of my company. I started to pay attention to the people that I was servicing. Derek, they're not taking notes. [00:36:54] Speaker A: They're not. [00:36:55] Speaker B: They're taking notes. They're not taking notes. So, like, how is that even possible? Do they just have really great memories? I believe that's part of it, but I also believe what I started to institute in my companies and with my team. I said my goal is to come out of this meeting having not needed to write one thing down, because the things I would be writing down in this meeting are action items for me. [00:37:28] Speaker A: All right. Okay. [00:37:29] Speaker B: I shouldn't have a whole bunch of action items for me. [00:37:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:33] Speaker B: Because if I do, that means I'm controlling, which is one of my highest saboteurs. I'm controlling. I might be micromanaging. I'm not giving these other people on my team the opportunity to actually call forth their own leadership. [00:37:48] Speaker A: That's right. [00:37:49] Speaker B: If I leave with a whole to do list, like, I mean, I'm telling you, would that hit me like a ton of bricks? They're not taking notes. Wow. Because they don't need to. Because they have teams to do that. [00:38:04] Speaker A: That's right. [00:38:05] Speaker B: Need to take notes. Not in my zone of genius. Yeah. [00:38:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:14] Speaker B: That was a big shift for me. And, you know, I struggled a bit when I first submitted. You have to submit two recorded calls to get your MCC credential. And I submitted one. He came back, they were like, no, no. I could even hear it when I listened to the call. Again, I'm so busy taking notes that I'm so in performance that I was, like, literally telling the client what to do. Then when I tried this challenge, right, Sophia. Put the pen down. Put the pen down. Completely different. Completely different. And I ended up submitting a call where I coached. I had a coaching call that lasted about 50 minutes, and when I looked back at the transcript, I only talked for seven of those 50 minutes. Seven minutes after out of almost an hour. [00:39:09] Speaker A: Wow. [00:39:10] Speaker B: How is that possible? If I was taking notes, I probably would only have three things in my notes for seven minutes because it's like I got turn down the volume. This is not about you. This is not about you. This is about her. So why do you need to be sitting here taking all these notes? Because I was also taking notes, and I see this in other, you know, coaches that I work with. I'm also taking notes so I can then turn those notes around and be brilliant and give it right back to the client. Well, what I heard you say, blah, blah, blah. Right. It's not even about them, right? That's about me. Hey. And I love me some me. So that took some work to turn down the volume of my ego and I'm still in process to let me. [00:40:12] Speaker A: Just say. [00:40:15] Speaker B: Still working on it. [00:40:18] Speaker A: Like we all are. Like we all are. [00:40:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:40:25] Speaker A: Ego and pride. Wow. [00:40:27] Speaker B: Ego and pride. [00:40:28] Speaker A: Like pride. And it is all about them. I mean, especially since, you know, who created you and who's. And who's. Who's orchestrated your life, giving you a vision, giving you the mindset to start your own business. So when, whenever it's like, whenever. Whenever you do something for God, it's never about for selfish ambition whatsoever. It's all about serving other people and elevating them. [00:41:03] Speaker B: And so, because here's the thing. Running a business, and I have two, and just kicking off a third, running businesses, the mechanics of running a business, that's zone of genius. Yeah, not in my zone of genius. So why would I be spending so much time working on that and beating myself up about that versus thinking about and considering, like, who God created me to be? [00:41:38] Speaker A: Right. [00:41:39] Speaker B: Who did he create me to be? And how can I use those strengths and those gifts to still be a CEO but also be in alignment with what he said I was do. Game changer, game changer, game changer. Because then I stopped beating myself up. And I know people are listening to this conversation. Entrepreneurs, we beat ourselves up a lot. A lot. We already beat ourselves up physically because you're working all the time. Right. And then we go back and we beat ourselves up even more because, oh, I'm not here. Oh, I haven't spelled the business like I said I was going to do. Well, you only need to take a deep breath and go to the rock and ask yourself, are you aligned with what he told you to do? [00:42:32] Speaker A: That's it. [00:42:33] Speaker B: What he created you to do? [00:42:36] Speaker A: That is it. [00:42:36] Speaker B: I'm telling you for my life, Derek, whenever I've asked that question from overwhelm. Cause I was overwhelmed and things were not working the way I wanted to work almost every single time, it was because I was less focused on what he created me to do. I was out of alignment with his purpose for my life. So, yeah, of course I'm going to experience some turmoil and some stress, right. And beating myself up because of course, all of that. All of that until now. Thank you. [00:43:19] Speaker A: I know, right? [00:43:22] Speaker B: Until now. And as I said, I'm still a work in progress and I'm grateful to be. Yeah, there aren't a lot of people who are 6ft above the ground to say I'm still in progress. I'm still learning. [00:43:35] Speaker A: So I'm learning. [00:43:36] Speaker B: I'm grateful to still be learning. [00:43:38] Speaker A: You know, you just made me think of my mantra. Because we all, like, I shared the accountability, the accountability group that I'm associated show, associated with. And so we all have mantras. And so before we actually share like a win, we have to, you know, we just am Derek, I'm from Sacramento. And then we have to give our mantra. And so my mantra. My mantra is I'm unstoppable. Because you said something about everything is within you, right? And I was like, okay, my mantra is I'm unstoppable and everything that I need is within me. I have no limitations and I'm never satisfied. I'm breaking through my own barriers to conquer my day and to execute with purpose. There's no finish line or growth ceiling and I'm winning daily. This is my movement. And so that is so when I, so you think about like just having something like that, a mantra that whenever you get into those tough times, you remember, this is what God has put on my heart to do. This is what I'm working towards. Go back to my mantra. Don't forget you said you're unstoppable and everything that you need is within you. I can stop right there and just keep it moving. [00:45:00] Speaker B: That right there you can stop it. Unstoppable. Because if you're going to your mantra, you probably have stopped. You said you're unstoppable, right? So if you say you're unstoppable, Derek, now what would you do exactly? Would you take. Now you're unstoppable. So you stopping has been taken off the table. [00:45:23] Speaker A: That's right. [00:45:24] Speaker B: Now what then you have to be, you're called to be more creative, right. And to pay attention more. What has the unstoppable. I love that. I love that you all have mantras for your accountability groups. [00:45:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:47] Speaker B: And that John Woody quote. [00:45:51] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:45:52] Speaker B: Stuff. Good stuff. [00:45:55] Speaker A: And I see you. I see. I see your business just with everything that you're doing, because you're growing, you got your own company, you're training other coaches. [00:46:05] Speaker B: I love it. [00:46:06] Speaker A: I became a part of John Maxwell's organization back in 22. And so as you're talking and just sharing, I don't know why this kind of came to me, but I'm like, Sophia's business has the ability to reach millions of people. If she just continues doing what she's doing and she operates in her gift and she's connected with the right people, it's no matter. I mean, it's no. There's no limits. There's no limits. And God only knows, but you just got to keep persevering. [00:46:40] Speaker B: That's it. [00:46:41] Speaker A: Yeah. Cause John Maxwell here, shit, he didn't know all this stuff was gonna happen. [00:46:45] Speaker B: No, no, no. He was doing what he was purposed to do. [00:46:50] Speaker A: Yep. [00:46:51] Speaker B: Which is to encourage people around their leadership. That's it on them actually getting what it is they say they want. [00:46:58] Speaker A: Right. [00:46:59] Speaker B: And he just kept doing that. So is there a limit? There's no limit for him. [00:47:06] Speaker A: No. [00:47:07] Speaker B: 50 million books. [00:47:08] Speaker A: I know, right? [00:47:11] Speaker B: I'm a John Maxwell coach. Libraries, arsenal of resources and programs and training programs. So he literally took a what he knew and what he had discovered and started pouring it into other people. So then, like you said, millions. Right. Then they're pouring it into other people. Then they're talking about it at the dinner table, then they're out with their friends, and they're talking about how their lives, how their leadership has changed and it's gotten so much stronger. He wouldn't have to do another marketing, not another thing. Right. [00:47:55] Speaker A: Wow. [00:47:59] Speaker B: So I received that, that you said. Yes. [00:48:01] Speaker A: Good. [00:48:02] Speaker B: There are no limits. [00:48:03] Speaker A: There are no limits. [00:48:05] Speaker B: None, none, none. And that really requires an abundance mindset, you know, it does. To really receive that. That. Oh, my gosh, I really don't have any limits. I don't. [00:48:20] Speaker A: Nothing. [00:48:21] Speaker B: I just need to keep doing what he's purposed me to do. And I always say, and do it with excellence. Right. And excellence is not perfection. And in my definition, excellence is. I've done the best job that I can. I've done the best that I can. So if I'm doing that, if I'm bringing that, how could there be a limit? [00:48:40] Speaker A: How could there be? [00:48:42] Speaker B: There's, what, 7.8 billion people on the. [00:48:44] Speaker A: I'm trying to tell you right. [00:48:46] Speaker B: Even if I say, I don't really want to work with toddlers. [00:48:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:48:50] Speaker B: Take them out number still leaves a whole lot of people. [00:48:56] Speaker A: It sure does. It does. [00:48:59] Speaker B: There is. Lord, I know my mentees and my team, they probably get tired of me saying, there's probably the nauseam, that there are no limits, and if we continue to operate from scarcity, we'll continue to have scarcity. [00:49:16] Speaker A: Scared. Exactly. Can you share a time that you actually, like, just supported somebody through one of those difficult moments to experience that breakthrough and how fulfilling that was to you? Like, just, okay. I was able to take this person from here to here, and they were like. And they saw the light, I tell you. [00:49:44] Speaker B: And the thing is, I get to experience that every day if I want to. All I have to do is have a coaching conversation. I get to experience that all the time. Like, literally in real time. Seeing people experience breakthroughs in their lives and break the chains of. I can't and break the chains because of all these circumstances, this cannot happen, and I get to see it all the time. I also. Derek, I had the wonderful blessing to be able to see it in my own life. [00:50:21] Speaker A: That's right. [00:50:22] Speaker B: In my own life. I'm a best client in my own life. Right. Several years ago, my husband had a stroke, and then they determined a brain tumor. He still lives with a third of the brain tumors. Doing pretty good now. [00:50:39] Speaker A: That's good. [00:50:40] Speaker B: Thank you for that. And I literally had several breakthroughs along this journey of being with him, supporting him. But one in particular is, I was in the hospital with him, and I was crying out to the Lord. I said, there's just so much in my head. You can imagine. I'm working with 100 medical professionals. Most of them are saying, oh, it's not looking good. I need. Oh, man, I need to stay uplifted. Cause otherwise I can just, you know, say, I'm out of here, right? I said, God, I just need some way to just get the stuff out of my head so that I could be clearer and I can actually have more clear time with you. Cause I believe that you'll tell me what to do next. And next. The next. I heard it just, like, someone sitting next to me, these words, go create what you need. Go create what you need. Go create what you need right now. Right now in this moment. And I was like, what? Go create what I need. What do I need? [00:51:58] Speaker A: That's the next question. [00:52:00] Speaker B: What do I need? I need somewhere just to put these thoughts down on paper. And I was already a big journaler but I had a breakthrough in that moment, in that I actually get to create what it is. I need to actually have what I want. And literally right there in the hospital room, laying in that hard recliner, the hospitals and these recliners, I just started sketching out what became my ease and flow journal. And I said, you know, I need somewhere to put my thoughts, but I need some questions. I need somebody to ask me some questions, right? I don't have to come up with it. I don't want to have to start on my own because I'm not sure I. And that's where the journal was created. I literally just sketched out what questions would I want to be asked? What do I want people to ask me right now at this moment? What do I want them to ask me? And that became the ease and flow journal. I'm so grateful. My web designer at the time, she agreed because we didn't know how to publish a book. She said, I don't know how to do it, but I'm willing to help you. It was published on Amazon, I think, about two or three weeks later, and it was an Amazon bestseller. [00:53:25] Speaker A: Wow. [00:53:27] Speaker B: And it's still selling, which is so surprising to me. Right. Cause I was just thinking, like, it was just that time and space. Go create what you need and see. I see what he did. Go create what you need. And look at how it's blessing other people. [00:53:44] Speaker A: That's it. [00:53:45] Speaker B: Just go create what you need. [00:53:47] Speaker A: So writing the struggles and your testimonies down. [00:53:53] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:53:53] Speaker A: Because you just never know how they gonna impact other people. [00:53:56] Speaker B: Absolutely. [00:53:57] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:53:58] Speaker B: And then looking back at those journals, lord. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. All I can say is, thank you. Mighty long wait. Sometimes. Sometimes I can't even go back and read them myself. I'm like, but every now and then, I get brave and I go read some. I'm like, wow. [00:54:25] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [00:54:26] Speaker B: Wow. So, yes. To me, that's my best example of when I literally have been in it. And I got to see the breakthrough. Yeah, right there. And then I get to, like I said, I get to. I get to experience that every single time I coach, every single time I train coaches, I get to experience that. [00:54:54] Speaker A: That's powerful. That's powerful, man. [00:54:58] Speaker B: God is good. I'm just so glad I found it when I did. You know, I tell people, you know, I don't have any. I don't have any regrets. If somebody asked me what I would do differently, I would only want to have been introduced to this work early, much earlier than I was. And that's part of my mission. And part of my mission is to increase the number of black indigenous people of color who are certified coaches and credential coaches so that people can experience this work with somebody who looks like them. [00:55:46] Speaker A: Right. [00:55:47] Speaker B: Yeah. I wish I had just gotten introduced to it earlier, but coaches in our organization, they were all reserved for certain people. [00:55:58] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, it's funny that you said that because I think, like, with me, what you just said, you know, finding out or recognizing this sooner, you know, back in 2009, here I am, part of a. No, I think it was a little bit earlier. 2006. Introduced a network marketing gun on his personal development kick. And, you know, reading all these books. Met, had opportunity to meet John Maxwell at a thrive conference in 2009. But it's like I wasn't ready mentally or I didn't recognize one, the potential that I actually had. And then I think it just, you get to a point in your life where it's like you have this defining moment, like this conversation with yourself, and like, do you need to. You just need to step out and be bold because God created you to be bold. Don't be worrying about what all these other people are saying or thinking, because half the time they not even thinking right. Thinking what you might think. They thinking have something about you. But I just need you to go out and do what I called you to do. And so that's one why I just recognize or I relate to Moses so well. He's like one of my favorite people, Moses. God gives him the. Gives us, gives them, gives him this assignment, but he comes up with all these excuses right where I can't do this. Well, who's going to, you know, who am I to go to Pharaoh? Well, what am I going to say to these people? And you tell them who I am, right? I can't. I can't speak. I'm not the most eloquent speaker. Lord, I don't care. I gave you the mouth that you have, so you just need to use that mouthpiece. Right. [00:57:58] Speaker B: And I created you in my image. [00:58:01] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. [00:58:02] Speaker B: What do you mean? Who are you to go do that? [00:58:04] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:58:06] Speaker B: If you truly believe I created you in my image, what's the question again? Sometimes God probably be like, look, is she here asking me the same question again? Who are you to do it? Who are you not to do it? [00:58:24] Speaker A: Exactly. We all got it in this. [00:58:27] Speaker B: Yeah, we all have it. We all have it. One of my favorite poems is by Marianne Williamson, where she talks about, and I always connected to Matthew 516 that talks about, let your life so shine so that all Mendez Macy works and glorify him. And then Marianne Williams Williamson's quote, she talks about, like, who are you not? Who are you not to show your. All of your luminosity. [00:58:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:59:00] Speaker B: You were created to do that. Right? [00:59:02] Speaker A: Right. [00:59:03] Speaker B: And the more you are willing to stop dimming your light, guess what is happening? You're given permission to every single person that sees and gets a glimpse of that light. You're giving them permission to do the same. [00:59:18] Speaker A: That's it. Empowering. There you go. [00:59:25] Speaker B: Oh, I think that was for me. I'm prayerful that you all are blessed, too. [00:59:34] Speaker A: That's right. [00:59:35] Speaker B: I think that was for me. Who are we not to be, right? Come on. Like, when people say who she thinks she is. Well, she was. I was creating his image. That's who I think I am. I am that light. Yeah, we all are. We all have it. And then what we do, we pile stuff on top of it. Doesn't mean the light's not still there, but it's hard to see the light rays. Big pile of stuff. It is on top of it, you know? And so one of the things I love about this coaching work and training, to me, is giving people some tools to start uncovering the light to move stuff out the way. [01:00:32] Speaker A: Now, you just mentioned tools like, what do you think are some of the common roadblocks that you actually see in the clients that you coach? [01:00:40] Speaker B: Number one, saboteurs. Number one is saboteur. Saboteur, self doubt. We call it 50,000 different things. Self doubt, imposter syndrome. All it boils down to is you being convinced of who you are. Nothing. [01:00:59] Speaker A: Yeah, right. [01:01:00] Speaker B: And that's what I hear. I don't care if I'm working with a C suite executive, I'm working with a frontline manager, or I'm working with a 16 year old. [01:01:10] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:01:13] Speaker B: That is the trend or the pattern that I see in us as humans is that we allow our saboteurs to convince us that there's something to fear. You better fear. You better fear. So you better stay over here. Don't you dare step outside that comfort zone. No, danger, danger, dangerous. Don't you do it. And, you know, I say to the coaching students, that's their job. That's what they're supposed to do. They are supposed to alarm you. Like, hey, I don't know. This is not what you normally do. And we get the opportunity to, first of all, get some awareness around how our saboteurs show up. Right? We whole program on this, how the saboteurs show up. Like, what does that look like for me? It may be different than how it looks for you, Derek. [01:02:09] Speaker A: Right. [01:02:10] Speaker B: First of all, it gets some awareness around it so that you can then start to spot it. Oh, there's my saboteur called people pleaser again. Oh, she doesn't really want to do this, but she wants everybody to be happy. [01:02:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:02:25] Speaker B: At her expense. So we get some awareness around it, and then we get a, we get a way to communicate it to ourselves and to others. Right. So first we get that, and then from there we can make a choice about what we want to do. Do we want to turn down the volume on the saboteurs or do we want the saboteurs to run our lives? [01:02:50] Speaker A: Right. [01:02:52] Speaker B: And I'm not saying saboteurs are bad. This is a lot of work that comes from the organization called positive intelligence. Positive intelligence. And it's not that the saboteurs are bad. Like, I'll take one of mine. One of my higher saboteurs is controller. Controller helped me get promoted and promoted and promoted because I was controlling the whole group of people. You know, I'm just thinking about some of my past jobs. So that was seen as a great thing. Like, oh, she's keeping stuff on track. She's keeping stuff on track. Great. There's another promotion. There's another promotion. So me controlling or having my saboteur tell me, oh, you need to control this and this. That wasn't necessarily bad. It's when the saboteurs, when we allow the saboteurs to overwork and get in the way and run our lives. So as a CEO, me having letting controller run everything all the time, well, like I said earlier, I'm not giving my team the opportunity to practice their own skills and their own right. So in that regard, it's not supporting me to have controller lead. [01:04:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [01:04:24] Speaker B: Yeah. That's number one. That's number one. It cuts across, like I said, all demographics. [01:04:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:04:29] Speaker B: Is this. This negative self talk of who do you think you are? [01:04:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:04:35] Speaker B: What do you think? [01:04:36] Speaker A: And one of the things that was brought up many times just throughout our conversation is self awareness and being aware of, like, who you really are, your temperament, your personality, your strengths, your weaknesses. [01:04:52] Speaker B: Yes. [01:04:54] Speaker A: And allowing other people to, to help you along the way, to point out some of those blind spots because we have them. But you have to be open to receiving what you actually hear, to recognize those blind spots. And that could be hard sometimes. [01:05:10] Speaker B: Could be. Could be. It can be. It has been. It has been. And not to beat ourselves up when we get the awareness. Like, once I got, you know, I did this whole saboteurs assessment, and like I said, now I train on it. Once I got, oh, my gosh, my highest saboteurs is controller restless and pleaser. I was like. It's like. Like my eyes were open, like, oh. And they come out when they're scared. Like there's something, there's danger. They think it's danger. [01:05:47] Speaker A: Right, right. [01:05:48] Speaker B: And all I. All I really need to do, first of all, is, like you said, I just have some awareness around it, and then I can ask myself, and I can ask them, controller, what do you need? Yeah, what do you need right now? I've even gotten friends, when they see me in that controller spiral, to just slow me down and say, hey, Sophia, what do you need? And one time a friend did it. I just started crying. She was like, what? Because I had been holding all this stuff and controlling all this stuff or trying to control all this stuff that. By her asking me that simple question, Sophia, what do you need? Literally just stopped me in my track to take a deep breath. [01:06:42] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:43] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. I've literally been holding up all this stuff. [01:06:47] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:06:48] Speaker B: For months, for years. [01:06:52] Speaker A: Wow. [01:06:53] Speaker B: Put that burden down. [01:06:55] Speaker A: Put that burden down. You know, one of the things I know I gotta be respectful of your time, too. I was. I created this curriculum, and it's a freebie, and it starts with self awareness. And then another piece of it is confronting yourself, because that's one of the things that I struggle with at one point. And when I took an old Testament class when I was at Fuller, one of the things we had to do was write our own personal song. So you think about David when he writes. When he writes, he's. He's landed all out on the line, right? He's telling you, like, how he's feeling, how he's. The struggles that he has, whether it's good or bad. But when I started writing that psalm down, and I did this back in 2015, and now I'm really understanding the purpose and power of it, because once you get to that point, now you're okay. I'm accepting this. I'm accepting myself for who I am, the good and the bad. But now I recognize that I got it on paper, so now I know where I need to shift and pivot to make myself better. [01:08:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:08:26] Speaker A: I was like, boy, confronting yourself is no joke. You got to be authentic. You got to be real. You can't be what you said. You said, uncovering that veil. That's what you got to do. [01:08:36] Speaker B: Lift in that veil. [01:08:37] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:39] Speaker B: If you're willing. [01:08:40] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:41] Speaker B: Cause you don't have to. You can stay getting more of what you've gotten. [01:08:47] Speaker A: Right. [01:08:49] Speaker B: You know, if that supports you. But if you really want to create change. [01:08:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:08:57] Speaker B: Then you're willing to take a look what's underneath that veil. Oh, my goodness. [01:09:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:09:07] Speaker B: Right. [01:09:08] Speaker A: That's it. [01:09:09] Speaker B: Get opportunities all the time. [01:09:11] Speaker A: Right. [01:09:13] Speaker B: You know, I. One of my favorite quotes, and I know I'm not getting it right, but the way I remember it is, like, when you're out of relationship with someone or you got some kind of conflict or, you know, like, even, you know, your. Your spouse and you are arguing about something. Excuse me. A quote that was shared with me a long time ago is, hey, Sophia, you can be right or you can be in relationship. I was like, what? I'm still in relationship. And I'm right. You can be right. Relationship. What's most important. And I'm telling you just those simple words many times. Sophia, put down your sword. [01:10:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:05] Speaker B: Right. Choose your battle. [01:10:07] Speaker A: That's it. [01:10:08] Speaker B: This ain't one of them. Yeah. It helped me a lot in raising a teenager. I heard you can be right. You can stand around and be right. Be right. Tell him how you're right. Right, right. Or you can be in a relationship with your son. [01:10:27] Speaker A: That's it. [01:10:28] Speaker B: Where when he's 26 and he's confronted with these same things, he'll remember. [01:10:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:34] Speaker B: Because you were in relationship with him. [01:10:39] Speaker A: That relationship be all right? [01:10:42] Speaker B: Which one? [01:10:43] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:44] Speaker B: And if you're willing to prioritize being in relationship, you also get the opportunity to be right, too. It's about which one are you prioritizing? [01:10:56] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:10:56] Speaker B: You know, I actually went through that with our teenager, and, oh, this is. He's 17 now, but this was probably four years ago, so I guess he was about 13. And I was talking to him, you know, about Bible study, how important it is, you know, to do it at the start of your day. And he. At one point, I was like, boy, these hormones. He's like, mom, I want to do this. I want to do this. I don't like it. It's not fun. And I don't even believe that stuff. I believe somebody just made up that book. [01:11:29] Speaker A: Wow. [01:11:31] Speaker B: You can admit being the granddaughter and niece and cousin of many ministers. I'm like. And I. And I. I heard that quote again. You can be right or be in relationship. You can be right. And coming at him like, no, you need to do this. And this or you can prioritize being in relationship with him and have him see it in you. Have him see it in the world. Have him see it in himself. [01:12:02] Speaker A: That's right. [01:12:03] Speaker B: You don't have to necessarily be his Sunday school teacher. [01:12:06] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:12:07] Speaker B: And I kid you not, my son has been in a summer college program. He blew me away. We were facetiming, and I'm just checking in on him. You know, Josh. He's like, no, I'm good, mom. That's like, well, show me your room. He's like, yeah, my room is nice. And he's showing me his room. He pans past his desk. Desk. And what is on his desk? A Bible. I about fell out my chair. I said, josh, what is that? He said, this is the Bible. You know what it is? It's the Bible. [01:12:44] Speaker A: Come on, mom. [01:12:46] Speaker B: When did you get that? Because I think maybe he got it or they gave it to him at school or something. He was like, mom, I carry this every time we travel. [01:12:56] Speaker A: Wow. [01:12:57] Speaker B: And what I do here, what I've been doing here is I read at least one scripture every night before I go to bed. I'm just so grateful I chose to be in relationship. [01:13:13] Speaker A: Right. [01:13:14] Speaker B: Instead of being right. Right, right. [01:13:16] Speaker A: Yep. [01:13:18] Speaker B: He got it. Yeah, he got it. [01:13:21] Speaker A: He got it. [01:13:23] Speaker B: He got it. And he's like. And then he had set up all these scriptures and stuff. Little plaques and stuff that I had gotten a long time ago. He pulled those out the luggage. He said, no, mom, I want them to be clear about who I am. [01:13:38] Speaker A: Oh, his identity is set. He already know. [01:13:45] Speaker B: I'm so grateful I chose relationship. Yeah, I'm grateful I chose relationship, because I ain't there with them every day. Do Bible study. Read your Bible. [01:14:00] Speaker A: And one of the things, as you were talking, it made me think about something that you said that I heard you say. Just talking about curiosity. And I know being curious, you have to ask those questions, and that's part of being in relationship. Yes, yes. [01:14:20] Speaker B: Asking questions. And, you know, especially in the line of work we do. Are you willing to be genuinely curious? [01:14:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:14:29] Speaker B: Sometimes we say we curious and we really got the answer already. We ask people stuff, but we already have the answer. [01:14:36] Speaker A: Right. [01:14:37] Speaker B: Are you willing to really be curious? Like. Like you're an alien from the planet Jupiter and you just showed up for this conversation. You don't. You don't even know the meanings, the definitions of the words that she's saying. [01:14:52] Speaker A: Yes. [01:14:53] Speaker B: Can you genuinely be curious? I'm telling you, Derek, that now, that's a challenge. [01:15:01] Speaker A: That's a challenge, huh? [01:15:02] Speaker B: That's a challenge because we are reared to be know it alls. We are applauded for being know it all. We are always, we're promoted for being know it all. So now you tell me to, like, let that go. [01:15:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:15:23] Speaker B: And really be all the way in this conversation as if I don't know what they're going to say or even, you know, who they are at their core to them show up this way. I tell coaches all the time, you know, who are working on their certification, their credentialing. That is. That's the secret. Curiosity, real curiosity. Because if you really don't know, then most likely you're not going to tell that client what to do. You don't know. Now, it gets really challenging when my client is in the same line of work as me, Sophia, how do I do? Okay. [01:16:17] Speaker A: Okay. [01:16:18] Speaker B: Let me get to what has him asking these how questions over and over and over and over. Get curious, get to know him, get to know what's, what's behind that. Ask him some questions. And I tell you, it's still, I've been coaching for a long time. That is still. I get a chance to practice all the time. I'll say it that way. Yeah. Because in the beginning, look, I have your whole action plan written out by the time we finish the coaching session, and I haven't asked you now one question. [01:16:54] Speaker A: One question. [01:16:58] Speaker B: Oh, I thank you. I thank you for growth. [01:17:01] Speaker A: Thank you. Huh? [01:17:02] Speaker B: I thank you. Growth. [01:17:06] Speaker A: That's nice. [01:17:07] Speaker B: It's brought me a mighty long way. [01:17:13] Speaker A: So at this phase of your life, I got at, like, how would you define success? [01:17:20] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. And that definition has changed a lot. A lot of twists and turns for that definition. And I was thinking my 25 year old self, hearing what I'm about to say would be like, what success for me now means that I've done enough work that he's purposed me to do. [01:17:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:17:52] Speaker B: That when I'm no longer here, it keeps going. It keeps blessing people. That's true. Freedom. That's freedom. [01:18:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:18:07] Speaker B: Like, I get the feelings of freedom when I know I'm doing what I can do and I'm doing it to the best of my ability, and then God is taking this to use it to bless other people. How can. Of course, I'm successful. Yeah, I'm successful because I'm still willing. I'm willing to still learn. I'm willing to leave a legacy for my family, for my community, for human beings. Like, I feel successful. So it's like the things that used to define success for me, of course. Do I want money? Yes. I make money. Yes, I'm grateful for the money. Right. But it has. That has become more of, like, a tool to continue to do this work and be able to be available to support people. So the things that used to define success for me no longer do. [01:19:12] Speaker A: No longer do. [01:19:13] Speaker B: No, no. I remember I wanted all this visibility. Visibility, visibility. And I have a lot of visibility. I have a pretty good following, if you will, on social media. But now my focus, it has morphed into, like, I get excited about being invited to be on a podcast or, you know, I got a tv interview coming up. I'm excited about that. Not because of the reason I was excited years ago, which is like, yeah, they get to see me. Right? Because I got a big ego. They get to see me, and I get to teach them something. Right. [01:19:51] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:19:51] Speaker B: Now it's like, oh, my gosh, I get another opportunity. I get another opportunity to do his will. [01:20:07] Speaker A: That's right. [01:20:08] Speaker B: To do his will. And I don't ever have to know who it touched, how it touched them. I don't even have to know the outcome. I know in my heart and soul that I've done my job and people were blessed by it. How long have you ever tell me? They don't even have to tell me. [01:20:30] Speaker A: That's it. You already know. [01:20:33] Speaker B: That is success. [01:20:34] Speaker A: That is. I love it. [01:20:37] Speaker B: People don't have that. They don't have that. They're looking on the outside, they're comparing themselves and then turmoil because of it. I don't have what he has. That's where jealousy and envy, all that stuff comes from. Yeah, because they don't believe that they have it. [01:21:06] Speaker A: They don't. [01:21:07] Speaker B: He gave it. How could. [01:21:09] Speaker A: It's inside of them. Move. [01:21:14] Speaker B: What? [01:21:17] Speaker A: Oh. [01:21:19] Speaker B: And the thing is, that is the secret that a lot of people don't want out. They don't want that to get out. And our coaching industry love it. But it's still this ivory tower hierarchy, them, us. There's still a whole lot of that happening. They don't want it to get out. Do you know you have what I have, right? No. No. It's what's behind white supremacy. No, I'm gonna keep bullying, bullying, bullying. Because I need you not to have your light bulb go off. That tells you you have what I have, right? No. And it's also rooted in, they know, Lord, I know, Lord, I know. They got the light. So I better do anything I can do to keep them away from really accepting that they do. [01:22:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:22:30] Speaker B: I was like, cat's out the bag, and I'm telling everybody. I can tell. I'm shouting it from the rooftops. Girlfriend. Let me tell you something. You got it, too. Now. I believe, you know, God gives it to us in different degrees, right? Favor ain't fair. I get that. [01:22:50] Speaker A: Right favorite. [01:22:51] Speaker B: Fair. But everybody has favor. [01:22:53] Speaker A: That's right. [01:22:54] Speaker B: It may not be to the same degree, but everyone has favor. Don't let that get out. That's a secret. Don't let that shout it from the rooftops. [01:23:07] Speaker A: There you go. Oh, my goodness. [01:23:14] Speaker B: And when people get that, you've seen it. Whoa. [01:23:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:23:20] Speaker B: All I had to do was declare what I wanted in this mantra to hold me accountable for what I said and put the actions in place. And then I get it. Like, wait, what? How come nobody told us that was the easy formula? [01:23:37] Speaker A: That's right. [01:23:41] Speaker B: No. [01:23:43] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [01:23:45] Speaker B: Think about even weight loss, multi billion dollar industry, right? Don't tell them the secret. [01:23:54] Speaker A: Don't tell the secret. [01:23:56] Speaker B: They could create the. They could do it. You tell them all the reasons they can and why it's so hard and why they need this program and that program. It all comes back to head and heart. It all comes back to fear. [01:24:12] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:24:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Don't tell. Don't tell them. [01:24:21] Speaker A: Oh, my goodness. [01:24:22] Speaker B: I'm talking myself out of a job. [01:24:28] Speaker A: No. People need you. You are valuable. Yeah. [01:24:33] Speaker B: You'll need it. If for nothing else but to be reminded. [01:24:39] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:24:40] Speaker B: If for nothing else but to see us as human. [01:24:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:24:45] Speaker B: Where we fail and we get back up and. Oh, wow. Okay. It's okay to fail and get back up. Yeah. [01:24:54] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [01:24:56] Speaker B: We have work to do. [01:24:57] Speaker A: We do. [01:24:58] Speaker B: Why? There's so much scarcity, you know, and crabs in a bucket mentality. Do you know how much work we have to do? We had a deficit work to do. So, you know, people say all the time, like, I. I'm a consultant. I help other, uh, school owners get their school accredited like mine. And what my colleagues said, why would you be doing that? That's your competition. Why are you helping her? [01:25:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:25:26] Speaker B: And I was like, I don't have any competition. [01:25:30] Speaker A: That's right. [01:25:31] Speaker B: Our mission is the same. [01:25:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:25:33] Speaker B: Right. To increase the number of black coaches on the planet, to have people experience breakthroughs and transformation, to have people experience a glimpse of the God in them. That is our. If we got the same goal, right. We're shorthanded. We don't have enough people right now. [01:25:56] Speaker A: That's right. [01:25:57] Speaker B: So I'm gonna need you to go get that school accredited because I'm gonna need you to go train some more coaches. [01:26:03] Speaker A: That's it. [01:26:04] Speaker B: While I'm training coaches. And she over there across the country, she's training coaches. He's training coaches over in South Africa. I couldn't possibly be in all those places. [01:26:16] Speaker A: That's right. Duplication. [01:26:18] Speaker B: Duplication, duplication, duplication. Go do it. That's also my answer when people say, why are so many preachers? There's so many preachers. There's a church on every corner. Well, because we need it. [01:26:32] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:26:34] Speaker B: There's a lot of work. We don't have to. We don't have to be crabs in a bucket. And I'm telling you, that has saved me so many times. So many times. Right. Because you go look out there on social media. Oh, my God. Look at what that school is doing. Yeah, they are. You might want to learn something from them, but I need you to keep doing what you're supposed to be doing. [01:27:03] Speaker A: That's right. That's it. Competition. Competition is great. Competition is great. Especially when you look at the scoreboard, because it's a way to actually let you know where you stand. [01:27:16] Speaker B: Yes. [01:27:17] Speaker A: Or where you fall. That's all it is. [01:27:21] Speaker B: That's all. It's a measurement like, oh, okay. Yeah, wow. Yeah. I do want to scale this business, you know, to that level. And. And it's learning. It's learning. Right. Like, oh, let me take a look at that. Let me learn a little bit more about that. But it. But I don't want it to cause me to go into overdrive. [01:27:45] Speaker A: Right, right, right. [01:27:48] Speaker B: A lot of times we see people who are successful, they didn't get there overnight. And I tell my, my, you know, my new coaches, newer coaches, the newbies, I tell them all the time, they were like, I want to do like you, Sophia. I want to be like you, coach Sophia. I'm like, let me just tell you my journey. This just did not happen last week. [01:28:10] Speaker A: Right. [01:28:11] Speaker B: I started this decades ago. [01:28:14] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:28:15] Speaker B: It doesn't mean it has to take you that long, but I just don't want you to get fooled by what you see. [01:28:20] Speaker A: Right. [01:28:22] Speaker B: And I still fall short. Still. Oh, I'm so grateful. [01:28:30] Speaker A: You, too, girl. I just want to. One just thank you for your time, for coming on. This was. This was good. This was good. [01:28:38] Speaker B: It's fine. [01:28:38] Speaker A: This is good. [01:28:39] Speaker B: I needed this. He knew I needed this. [01:28:42] Speaker A: That's right. [01:28:44] Speaker B: He knew. It was such a great reminder. Just a great reminder why we do this. [01:28:50] Speaker A: It is. It is so for those people who are listening, watching where can they find you at. [01:28:58] Speaker B: Well, I am so all over the place. Everywhere. [01:29:03] Speaker A: Just google her name. Y'all find her. [01:29:06] Speaker B: You just type in my name. Sophia Casey. I'm Sophia Casey. Everywhere on all the platforms, social media platforms. And if you go to our coach training school, which is iclirising.com, you can connect to me on every single platform that way. Yes, absolutely. [01:29:29] Speaker A: Grateful. Grateful and thankful for this conversation. [01:29:32] Speaker B: I'm grateful. Thank you. I'm so grateful. [01:29:35] Speaker A: I want to thank Sophia Casey for coming on the show. What a great and amazing conversation. I know y'all had to feel the emotion, the passion, her commitment just to actually help other people get to a place where they're operating on a whole nother level. They operate in the zone, which she calls that zone of genius. Right? Everybody has it within them, but it needs to be extracted somehow, some way. And Sophia, she's a coach that can actually help you get to it. Trust me, she's doing it. And that's one of the reasons why she started ICLI rising coaching program. So I just want to thank Sophia again for coming on the show. I just want to thank you all for watching this video. I'm excited about your growth and your transformation quest to become the person who God has created you to be. Hit that newsletter subscribe button. Hit the subscribe button for this show and get updated content and resources that will assist you in your growth. Listen, I care about your development and your success, so please let me know if there's anything that you would like us to talk about. Share guest to have on and we'll do. We can. I'll see you in a the next video. And remember, we cannot become what we need if we remain where we are. God bless and have a great week.