The Secret to Confidence: Master One Thing

[00:00:00] Speaker A: What if everything you built, your career, your education, your achievements, wasn't that final destination, but just a stepping stone to something greater? Now imagine being in your 20s, all alone and being evacuated from Turkey to Guam, facing the unknown with nothing but faith and determination. That's exactly what my next guest, Sarana Crowie, had to do. She not only survived, but she thrived. And in this powerhouse episode had opportunity to talk to her about not only her engineering job, but her passion for coaching. And she shares her incredible journey just of resilience, faith in discovering her purpose beyond that paycheck. I mean, she not only crunching numbers, but she's coaching people to have breakthroughs. And she's revealing this. How faith guided her through the uncertainty, led her to the man that she married, that she met in this camp in Guam, but how faith actually helped her focus and master on being an engineer and a coach. So it turns out that whether you're rewiring those circuits or rewiring that mindset, faith is the greatest formula for transformation. Why not you? Let's get into this conversation with Sarah. [00:01:18] Speaker B: I just want to say thank you and welcome for, you know, for coming on. [00:01:21] Speaker C: I appreciate, of course, thank you, Derek. Thank you for having me at your platform. Thank you. [00:01:27] Speaker B: You are so welcome. Daring. When I think about engineering, I think about the technical aspect of it. I think about mathematics. And that was just one of those areas that I really wasn't good in, the mathematics side. And I know that's just one of those things that people just need to work on because it takes, I mean, it's almost like critical thinking to me. How did you actually get into that? [00:01:56] Speaker C: I didn't. My father chose it. I wanted, I'm serious. I want to be in the medical field. I want to be a doctor. But I'm glad I didn't. And I listened to him. He had this vision about all me and my sibling. He knew very well, according to our personality, which of career is the best for us. And when he told me that I should be an engineer, I didn't like the idea. I didn't even love it while I was doing engineering school back in Iraq. But I knew now what he was looking at. Engineering is not just being good at math. There is a lot of people good at math, but they are not good engineers. It's about common sense and solving equation equation not just design wise live equation. And I'll give you an example because my mind wire as a strategic thinking as an engineer, even at home with house stuff when something stuck like something's broken or something. It doesn't. It has a problem for my kids. My daughter said wait, mommy will have a solution. Like a problem solving, you know what I mean? Like even with the emotional part, with friends, with human, with your family, when you are an engineer you kind of think like three dimension. You kind of think like okay, let me see if it's one plus one. People say equal two. But let me see if I can rephrase it differently. So I think being an engineer is not only good in math but also good in put things in perspective and having problem solving ability and know how to read people how reading a room, reading the meeting, reading people like in a way that build rapport and connection. Because you can be perfect in math, you can have Ph degree in math, Ph degree in engineering. But if you lack of communication, if you lack of listening or having that emotional intelligent part missing, you are going nowhere. So the degree, it's a plus, but it doesn't mean much. [00:04:16] Speaker B: Yeah, I know that's one of the. I think the things that people really don't take advantage of is just learning how to connect with people. I think one of the reasons why I say this because I know just as humans we're wired to be in community and to be amongst other people, not be isolated. But at the same time in your type of work you have to be able to communicate to actually get that vision across. Also as you guys are working on projects, so when you think about just the importance of being able to manage to connect, you guys have a project that you're working on, you already know what the end result should be like. How I mean, is it difficult for you or did you ever find it was difficult for you to actually especially being a woman in the industry that's kind of almost like male dominant. Did you ever find it difficult to actually I guess express and to connect with. With men or just other women in general? [00:05:34] Speaker C: Yes, yes. Engineering no different than other field. I mean it's overused saying it's male dominant. It feel like every woman, say every field is a male dominant. I don't look at it this way. There is no war between men and women in any field. Right. If you are a good person and you know you are capable and you are competent and you have the skills, you can fit anywhere. Going back to your question, if there was difficulties and obstacle, of course I'm in my 50 now. It wasn't that easy when I started as an engineer in my 20. It wasn't easy when I was in my 30s it got better while I'm age. It's not the wisdom part. It's like you learn by making mistake. You never figure it out. In couple of months you can say, okay, I graduated from engineering, I have high degree, I have Ph. Degree, I have master, I'm good to go. Being a good effective engineer and leaving an impact, it need other skills. You mentioned earlier that when you do a project you need, it's like a community. You said it very well, Derek. Because me being in the office, I can do all my numbers and design and stuff, thinking I'm genius and I'm smart, I'm good in math. But if I don't have paper, my admin provide the paper, the pen, the other utility, the resources. I need every single person in the office to complete the puzzle. I can't just pop up in the meeting saying I'm the magic maker. I make all the numbers and the design and the bridges and the building stand up. There is other people who help me to make that project which is look perfect on the paper, a reality. Even the guy who dig that hole for you, for the column, who don't even speak a perfect English, he's been doing that task for many years with his dad. I still need that guy. All he know, he just put those hole and he put the column. I can't say, oh, I did it. No, I did not. I was the one who make the paper look perfect. Because of my skills in engineering, calculating, being precise and concise in my calculation. But the person who really dig that hole, it was the guy who's maybe just 20, he don't even speak good English. Right. So we all need each other somehow. You can look at people down because they are not the same level like your degree. You can't say someone will not benefit me. I remember my mom always used to tell us, every single person you meet in life, you learn one things from them. Even the person who you don't like, you're gonna learn something from that person. You gotta learn at least one thing from anyone you meet. And I've been student all my life and I will never stop. It doesn't matter. I'm 70, I'm 80, I'm still learning. [00:08:29] Speaker B: That's right. [00:08:30] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:08:30] Speaker B: That is so true. [00:08:32] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:08:33] Speaker B: You know, when you were talking just about this young person who, you know, has to dig a hole for a column that you need, it's like everybody has a role, one of for one reason or another. The first thing I thought about was like sports and because I like sports and Football in particular. And so I just thought about football like, all right, here you have the O line, you have the quarterback, you have the receivers, you have the running back. And everybody has a role. The center has a role. The linemen have a role to block the defensive, to come from coming in to attack the quarterback. But then the quarterback has a. He has a significant role for calling the plays and making audibles and making changes as well. And I know just going through life, we all have to make some type of change, you know, just the different phases of our life. And I know when, when you and I talked before you shared, you shared the story about when you were in Iraq and you guys end up having to. You had to go to. I think it was Guam. [00:09:46] Speaker C: Yes. [00:09:46] Speaker B: Can you share like just how, I guess how that kind of changed your life and perspective, but also how. How your faith actually played a part in that? [00:09:59] Speaker C: Yes, of course. That was the most dramatic jump and change happened in my life. I was only 26, young, not married, and here I am at the border of Turkey telling us they can evacuate us to an island called Guam. I didn't even know where Guam is. If you look at it, it's a small island in the Pacific, right? So here I am embracing the unknown, leaving my parent. My dad was fighting cancer back then and the requirement was if you are married, you can bring your husband and your partner and kids. But I was not married back then and I couldn't bring my parents because my mom was taking care of my dad. So I came along and that move I made, it was so scary. I felt like I was numb when I was in the airplane on my way to Guam because I was going to unknown. Here I am, a young lady live in Middle east, spoil have everything in the house, the support system. She was an athlete, I was a swimming coach. I had nice clothes. I have brother and sister who spoiling me. I had good friends. And here I am leaving all of that behind me and start from the beginning and where start somewhere totally different than my culture. Yes, I spoke the language because I work for NGOs. So our staff were American, Australian and Sweden. So English, it's mandatory in Iraq. We do speak English, but it was like the English accent, not the American accent, you know, like water and water. So everything was English. And even like when I came to United States, they said, forget about kilogram and centimeter and meter. Here is pound and his foot and engine. That was like a big shift, right? So when I moved, the change was huge. The culture I'm not saying I was sad, but I was surprised of the big change I made in my life. But now I can look back to those past 27, 28 years. That was the most important and impactful change that I made for the better version of myself. And what keep me going is my faith. I knew God is setting me for growth. I knew God is telling me, keep going, keep moving. This is good for you. Don't look back. Back is past. Don't look at it. You're going to the best version of yourself. And if I didn't have that faith, I just couldn't handle all the obstacles, blocks, misunderstanding, disappointment, stereotype, people being racist to me, making fun of my accent, making fun of the way how I look. It was not easy in the beginning, Derek. I was in my 20s and I had the American dream version in my head. Wow. I'm gonna be in the airport. There will be a red carpet and they're gonna welcome all the engineers. Come on in. This is land of dream. Make money. It was not that I was hit by the reality. I lived in an apartment, one bedroom with my husband. We start from zero. I didn't have anything. But then when I look back, that's what's for me. That's what developed the quality I have right now. I didn't have everything given to me. Here it is. Ready, Mrs. Engineer, you're smart. Here you go. Have everything. I had scratch. I had scars in dealing with a lot of people. But now when I look back, that's what is for me. That's what make who I am now. And I'm grateful for everything of it. And I know God did it for me. [00:14:06] Speaker B: That's good. [00:14:07] Speaker C: I know he did. Yeah. [00:14:08] Speaker B: That's good. [00:14:09] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:14:10] Speaker B: And you think about, I mean, there's people, I mean, in this day and age, whenever somebody. But also. Well, one. I think it's kind of depending on how you are raised and the amount of confidence that a person actually has. Because, you know, sometimes when somebody faces a trial or some type of opposition, resistance, they end up giving up. They don't. They don't dig deep to find that fire inside them to keep going and push and make things happen for them. And then they end up settling. But you never settled. You never settled. You just kept pushing. [00:14:53] Speaker C: They give up because they are lack of faith. You give up when you don't have faith. You have to know you are in this trial and this test for a purpose. God set it up. God put you in that position and that hurdle and that difficulties to Teach you something, you have to come back and ask yourself, why me? I mean, why I am struggling, why I'm stuck? Well, you are stuck because God giving you a message saying it's time to pivot. This is not working for you. Right. You're stuck in the job, you're stuck with the wrong partner, you're stuck with a toxic friend. You're stuck in a place that doesn't belong to you. It's stealing your soul. God is telling you reflect, thinking, hey, this is not you make a change, pivot. And I am putting you here to teach lessons so you can get the lesson by yourself without me preaching or someone telling you things. You gotta know it yourself. You have to go through it in order to get to the, to the, to the light yourself. [00:15:54] Speaker B: Yeah, that's why I think self awareness is so huge. Just knowing who you are, who your identity is in and what you actually stand for. You know, if you don't have those values in place, you'll fall for anything. You allow anybody to persuade you or entice you to do something, even when you know, it's like deep, deep down in your heart, you know that, wow, if I do this, I know I'm going to go the wrong way. But for some reason people who just don't know it, they don't, they're not self aware, they don't know what they stand for. They just manage this. You allow the peer pressure almost a dictate what happens in your life. [00:16:38] Speaker C: Yeah, the self awareness come from you being clear what exactly who you are and where you're going. You have to have that clarity because that clarity, what's give you that power to move on. But if I'm all over the place and I want to do a million things at once, I'm not gonna do none of those things. Clarity is power. I always tell my client, if you are not clear, don't come and don't talk to me, don't hire me, don't speak with me. You are not clear. You are all over the place. And I always tease them, I said, are you a teenage? They said, no, we are past 35. We want to establish a family. If they are women, they think about having a baby. I said, then you need clarity. When you come and speak with me, you need to be clear where you're heading. You can't just be all over the place thinking and dreaming. You want everything. This is not a magician box. This is something happened by you working hard when you open your podcast. Derek, it wasn't Something that it's happened perfectly overnight. Right? [00:17:39] Speaker B: Right. [00:17:40] Speaker C: You come across some stuff and you're like, why I'm doing this? I mean, I have a career, I have good skills. I mean, why I'm doing this podcast. But you didn't give up because you knew your podcast will make a difference, will make an impact. So you're like, you know what? Those difficulties going to sharpen my skills, going to make me a better host. But I'm not giving up. And I always feel this way. And I said that in other platforms, the same thing I feel. And this is again, message from God. I keep mentioning God because I know this has happened for a reason. When you question yourself, let's say you doubt yourself. And you said, I'm not doing this podcast, I'm not making money, I don't feel like it. I'm just giving up. I'm just making up scenario and give up. He says, say, ron, I'm sorry, I'm not doing more podcasts. I'm just gonna go back and do my daily thing. But all by sudden and again, God for purpose, he's gonna do this. You're gonna open your email or you're gonna open your phone, whatever, and someone will text you and contact you, say, hey, Derek, how are you? I was thinking about you during holiday time. How was your Thanksgiving, holidays, New Year, all of that. I just want to reach out, Derek, and say thank you. Because of you and the session I have with you and the coaching you gave me before the recording of the podcast, I'm in a better place now. I have a better job, my relationship with my parents is better. I'm doing such and such, all positivity. And you'll be like, who's this guy? You even forgot about him. And he will remind you, said, you remember I was a guest in your podcast. You make a difference, you make an impact. So thank you and happy holiday. And you'll be like, what? Why this text come at the day that I decided to give up? Why this text exactly came on the time that I'm saying, I have no faith on myself. I'm giving up. I'm not gonna continue what I'm doing. Well, the answer is God telling you, derek, I'm not done with you. Keep going. Right. I sent you that text. I didn't send it three months ago when you are still doing it. I send it at the day from that person who you forgot his name because you still have other life you need to touch. This is why I am sending this message to you. Today. So some people, like, good people like you, they will listen to the message. Some people, they don't learn from the message. They just brush it off and say, eh, it's nothing. I'm still giving up. That's lack of faith. That's definitely lack of faith of themselves and lack of faith of God. Yep. [00:20:30] Speaker B: And that's sad when you think about it. When you get to that point where you just, you don't acknowledge that. It's like you're just giving up. You're giving up all life. [00:20:39] Speaker C: Yes. Yeah. [00:20:41] Speaker B: And it's just like everything that you had on the inside will never come to fruition just because you just, you just neglect to take the time to, to invest in yourself and to learn, you know, what you can actually do. Yeah. And trust a guy like you're talking about. Yeah, it's. It's in, it's in everybody. It's in everybody. And I know you said earlier that you're, that you're, you're always learning. Yes. No matter what, you're always learning. You continue to learn. It's like it seemed like the minute we stop learning, it's a moment I feel like I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna waste away because now I'm not using any more brain power. It's like I'm not growing. And it's like those, even the trial that you experience, I mean, that's, that's some type of hardship. And I know hardships actually, you know, refines us and makes us better. [00:21:42] Speaker C: Yeah. You stop learning, you basically killing your soul because your soul is taking the power from that learning. You always feel that you're still young, you exposing to new skills, you're learning new languages, you're talking with new people, you're traveling. So the youth, it's not the age, the youth that you start learning and knowing like now people afraid from AI. Why are you afraid from AI? Just learn it. Oh, well, AI will take my job. You already make a decision that AI will take your job. Just befriend it, learn it, cope with the change. You have to adapt. Adapt, adapt, adapt, Adapt everything that's gonna take you to different level. Adapt everything that's take you somewhere else that you never been there, because that's where your best version is. If you're just staying. If someone like me, I'm an old generation, I graduated 100 years ago and AI doesn't scare me, right? But there is others who graduate like me. Long time ago, they said, oh, this AI is going to take no Learn it, don't be expert at it. I'm not expecting you to be expert at it, but learn the skills. Don't be afraid from the changes. Because as long we live, Derek, those changes, because of after Covid and AI and all the innovation Elon Musk's talking about, if you don't have that willingness to learn it, those changes pass you like a train and you're gonna be left behind. You'll be like, what's happened? That was fast train. Well, that fast train was a change. You just didn't pick up the station. Right. I mean, at least you need to expose to certain skills because pivoting in life is necessary. And I say that because when I was younger engineer, I was booting the ground survey, being on the field. Now in my 50, I don't do field construction a lot because the age will give you different set of skills. So now I can be a mentor for younger engineer. Now I can teach, I can train, I can speak, I can manage certain projects. But when I was in my younger 20 and 30, I was able to be on the field, on the sun, not feeling anything. So change is inevitable. Change is something you have to do, you have to adapt. You keep adopting new skills in order to reach your best version, right? Yes. [00:24:22] Speaker B: And so what made you get to that point where you were like, you know what? Even though I'm an engineer, I've experienced some of this stuff in my life. What made you want to, you know, help others discover their gifts and talents and be that mentor? [00:24:41] Speaker C: I think the point, it's happened in a funny way because when I finish my master, I start my doctor right away. So I was like, all pumped up, just like a little football player. Let's go. We're gonna win this, right? Everybody's like, you know, pumped and let's go and win this game. So I was like, you know what, let me start my doctorate. So I start very early. That was not very smart of me. So I started the first semester. Then I got an opportunity at my university to speak with bunch of other undergrad students who are finishing engineering school and the head department. She said, just speak about the reality of the engineering field for women. Should they continue working, should they continue studying the master? How was the workforce look like? So I was like, okay, let me speak with them. How many sessions? She said, one session, one hour and a half. I said, okay. So after I spoke with those younger ladies, she called me back, the head of the women engineering, and she said, seyran, the girls really loved You. It was very captivating, compelling speech and everybody loved you. You happened to be a coach. And back then I thought, I'm really smart. But that day I realized I'm not that smart because I thought, she's talking about sport coach. I was like, coach? Yeah. How? You know, I was a swimming coach in my 20s. She said, what? I said, yeah, I was a swimming coach. She said, I'm not talking about that coach. I said, which coach are you talking about? She said, you happen to be a live or business coach. I said, what is that? I never hear about that. I thought, coach is a sport coach. And I was in my 20s, I was teaching swimming. She said, no, no, athlete. I'm not talking about sport. I'm talking about you have the skills that you have captivating messages, the way how you talk, very close to heart, people drawn to when you speak. I was like, I don't know. What is that? She said, check it out. So I check icf. I fell in love with it. I dropped my doctoral. I never finished my doctoral in engineering. I become a mentor at the school. I become a mentor in women in technology. And I've been loving it because when I do this for the younger generation, I feel that fulfillment that no money can fill. My day job will pay me the money. But when I do these, giving back to community and I see the joy and the appreciation on those younger girls, it's worth a lot. [00:27:15] Speaker B: That's pretty significant right there. I mean, you just talk about faith and the fact that you're like, you know what, I'm just going to put this on hold or not even pursue this. Yeah. So I could focus on where, where God is leading me. That, that, you know, that he put in your heart to do. That's. That's tough for some people. That's tough for some people because it's always when you think about God, God is always other people focused and not selfish. Where we just kind of focus on ourselves and just chase whatever it is that. [00:27:49] Speaker C: Yes, chase, yes. Yeah. I asked this question, I asked myself. I was like, okay, I have a good job, I'm making good money, and I have master in engineering. Then I was alone. I asked myself, I said, is that all? Is that all what I need to do in my life? That's it. Just being an engineer, picking a paycheck and go vacation with my family life is good? I don't think so. And I knew that I have much more inside me that I can scale at and teach others and leaving an impact and a print Somewhere. So me just making money and having a decent life with my family, I don't think that was the version I was meant to be. And I knew God is telling me no, look inside again. It's all going back to self awareness, asking those questions to yourself. And I said, that's not all what I have. I have a lot to offer and I will never stop. I will never stop. [00:28:50] Speaker B: Never. So do you think that's everything that you've done so far? You know, when it comes to like mentoring and coaching people, do you feel like, do you ever feel like you're like in some kind of conflict though because. Or do you feel like engineering is you've using the skill and the mindset that you have to implement as an engineer and now you're transitioning or helping using that mindset to actually help other people. Do you feel like, do you feel like that's more like your life purpose as far as like helping other people? [00:29:35] Speaker C: Thank you for the question because I get they asked me this question before and there is no conflict here. They are all related. I think I went to engineering to learn set of skills. Yes. I had a steady paycheck. I still full time engineer, I still work full time engineer. My business is a side business, but my mind set up in a way, in a strategic way to coach and mentor in different way. And I'll give you an example. Although I said I help midlife women to find their hidden gem, hidden talent. I get call from guys and I gotta ask the guy, why are you calling me? Right? Don't you see women? He said, yeah, I saw the women and I'm a guy. I said, okay, then why are you calling me? He said, first of all, you are a certified acc, so you are a mentor course. So you can certify my 10 hour session for mentoring. I'm legally able to certify his 10 hours. I said and the second he says second is we saw coach engineer so we know your approach. It's about fact and number. We don't want someone just listening to us making us feel good. Oh, Derek, you are a good guy. Let's go. I'm not that type of that coach. I'm very bold and sometimes I can be harsh in a way. The client, I tell the client you're gonna avoid might hate me a little bit the first five session, but you're gonna love me and thank me later because I'm doing this boldness with you for a purpose because I want a result. I'm an engineer mindset. I Mean I have to solve this equation with you. It's like IQ engineering and EQ is the coaching. So like the IQ merit, the emotional intelligence. Like a arranged marriage. Although my day job is all precise and concise and I have to design with no mistake. When I coach is no different. So there is no conflict because when I solve the equation after work, when I meet the client, they have kind of an equation in their life. But it's more about emotional intelligence, not like numbers. So I have the same mindset. I was like, how can I help this client? How can I guide this client to go from A to B? So it's like sequence, process and clarity. Yep. [00:31:57] Speaker B: Wow. I mean, so when you, when you get a call from a guy though, do you ever feel like, do you ever want to just kind of turn them away or do you want to, do you help? Do you want to help him as well? [00:32:11] Speaker C: Why tell him? Why turn him away? He's a human too. I'm not in a war with the guys, right? I mean, I think I took even the women midlife woman. It's only now his midlife. Because when I receive call from guys, we all need help. There is no guys and women here. I mean, I learned something from you, you learned something from me. That doesn't make you less than me. That doesn't make me less than you. You have sets of skills that I don't have and I have set of skills you might acquiring or searching. So there is no war. And it's the integration between the skills. Maybe part of it. Because I have a good partner and I learn a lot from him. He's such a smart guy. Or maybe because I graduate from Civil Engineering 99.9. The student back in Iraq were all male guys. And when I came here and work as an engineer also I dealt 99.9% with guys. So I don't see that gap. I don't see that there is a wall between us. Go back to the communication. Go back to building the trust and rapport with them. Why I should treat the guy different just because the way how he think about something is different. We both want the best for our job, right? So there is no different. No, I don't turn them down unless they want something else. I mean, I do apologize for some client. Men and women, not just guys, when they come to the complimentary session. I have 20 minutes complimentary session before I charge the one hour. And I feel like the entire time, men or women, it doesn't matter. They just need someone to vent and talk. And I keep reminding them this complimentary session, basically it's your time to tell me what exactly you want to aim. What is your goal for the coaching session? And all I'm hearing is venting. You vent about your boss, you're venting about your partner. You're venting that your husband is not helping you around the kitchen. What does that to do with my niche? I'm not gonna talk with your husband to help you around the kitchen. Who cares, right? I don't want him to help you around the kitchen. You need to clean the kitchen. Right. So it's not my job. I mean, my purpose is here as a coach. I'm not your friend yet. If you hire me as a coach, I'm a coach. I am the change agent. I'm the person who holding the flashlight, taking Derek from A to B. You come into the session and you complain that your cousin being bad to you lately. That has nothing to do with me. I'm not your friend. We are not in panera bread having a cup of tea. We are in an agreement here. There is an agreement. You are paying me money. So I'm obligated to show you the path or guide you the way going from A to B. So I do sometimes professional way. When after they speak, they hire me for one hour and they say, can we hire you for hour first? Okay, pay me for one hour. Same thing. They come for that one hour and they vent. They vent about their partner. I'm like. Then I explain. I said, okay, so we have one month agreement after this. This is not a vent machine. This is a coaching agreement. Right. You need to tell me exactly. And sometimes I feel bad because they might going through a hard time. They just need someone to listen to them and they don't have that someone. And I tell them, your 20 complimentary session is end. Now if you need my guidance, then you need to tell me exactly what you're looking for. So not everyone who call you is a good client. You have to direct them somewhere else. Yeah. [00:36:11] Speaker B: You know what's funny is that when it comes to like just, you know, helping other people, you also have to be in a place where you're actually open to receiving help and not allow age to really play a factor in it. Because I remember when I was. When I actually joined, when I got on with the sheriff's office, I was. I was older and so I remember not the sergeant at the time. I remember the. The lieutenant asked me a question. It's like, you know, how do you how do you feel about being trained by, you know, somebody younger that's, you know, 10 years, you know, five to 10 years younger than me, I'm like, I don't have a problem with it because they know something I don't know. And you have to be. I need to be open to being corrected, especially if I want to learn and learn. Right? You know, age really doesn't play a factor in. If that person has the knowledge and the information that I need to be successful, why not be open to receive it? And I know sometimes people actually put limitations on, well, I'm not going to take information or learn from this person because they're younger than me or this person is too old or anything like that. And I'm like, no. I mean, I've seen people in their 70s go back to school and get their degrees. When you think about age or anything like that, like, how has God shows you or just let you know that, listen, it's never too late to learn and to step into your gifts and your talents that I put inside you. [00:37:53] Speaker C: Yes, you said it very nice, Derek, when you said your willingness to receive. Because if you are not willing to receive, what's left? If I come to you and I said, I got it all, I'm not receiving anymore. I have the degree, I have the job. I'm good to go. I'm not receiving anything more. I don't want to learn anything. I don't want to learn anything from you. I don't want to learn from that young guy who was 10 years younger than you, teaching you the training. Okay, if I'm not receiving that learning, what else left? Then I'm stagnant. I'm going nowhere, right? I'm staying where I am. The age to me, when I tell this to my younger sister, she laugh. I said, I felt the best when I hit the 50. Everybody talking about the 50. Oh, 50, so scary. The wrinkles, the hair thinning, all the problem with the women. I don't know what's happened to me. It was the opposite. I think when I turned 50, I was happy for no reason. I don't know what's happened to me. Maybe there's something in the brain damage or something. But like, when I told my sister, she said, what do you mean you are happy? I said, on my 20, I was still navigating what's life, you know, the 20, meeting the right guy. I'm getting married, I'm dating, whatever. That's the 20 and the 30. You're building your resume. I'm young, 30, let's go, let's get two job. In the 40 you want to be done for the women, you want to be done kind of with the pregnancy part. Because in the 40, you don't want to get pregnant. When I hit my 50, I felt like a queen. I don't know what's happened. Like when I told my sister, one of my sister in London, she's gynecologist, she's a doctor. She said, what do you mean? I said, I don't know what's happened. I mean, I feel different, but I feel like this is the best version of myself. Like I'm so focused on me. I don't care the noise. I don't know what they are saying. I'm just putting my head down, doing my job and sharpening my skills. That's my 50. So I'm a better me than when I was in my 30 and 40. Even though that I was skinnier and younger and prettier. That didn't mean anything because I was still struggling. Kids to school, sport, getting pregnant again. That's all done. So when I tell my Midlife client, oh, 50 is old. I let them say it once and when they repeat it, then I really get angry. I said, what did you just say? Again? She said, I'm old in my 50. I don't want to open a business which book telling women in 50 they have to live life and they are done. There is no such book or manual or bible or anything telling you, you, you're 50 years old. You reinvent yourself for men and women. Midlife is the station that you reinvent, revamp your path, you reborn again, you find different way. Don't tell me midlife crisis. There is no midlife crisis. There is midlife priceless. There is a lot of price. It's like a prize, like a trophy in your hand. When you are midlife, you get the trophy. I'm done with the pregnancy for women. I'm speaking pregnancy school. I have a trophy now. It's my life. I'm 50. I am building an empire. I'm building a business for myself. And don't tell me please, I'm an empty nester. What does empty nester mean? I hate those versions. Oh, I'm empty nester. My kids out of college and they are in their apartment. What does empty nester mean anyway? From where they label from which book those words coming, midlife crisis, emptiness or no? I said don't say empty nester. Say, I'm gonna make it a full Full place to live. I'm gonna add skills. I'm gonna play golf, I'm gonna start swimming, I'm gonna go to nice restaurant with my partner. There is no emptiness there. Are you expecting your kids to glue to you for the rest of their life? No, they have their own life. Don't call yourself empty nester. And I think we learned that in the coaching school. They tell you to be an effective coach, you always have to learn to tweak the negative connotation for certain words. Like when the client come to you, I'm not too good, I'm old, I'm ugly. You have to go back and say, what did you just said? You need to retweak that negativity because the more you say to yourself, it's going to be truth. You manifest things like, okay, my day, today is bad. If I wake up today, I said, it's a bad day. Guess what? God will make your wish come true. Your day will be bad. Right. [00:42:41] Speaker B: So many times people end up speaking their lives or their days into existence just by the way they actually live. Or they just continue to live in the past where they allow yesterday to dictate today because all they do is focus on whatever happened yesterday. And so it takes them out of the present so they can never get ahead because they're always stuck. [00:43:03] Speaker C: Yeah, true. Stuck in the past. [00:43:07] Speaker B: So sad. [00:43:08] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:43:08] Speaker B: So I know you just been. You are just, you are gifted. You have. I mean, you're touching people. How did, how do you think you actually got to a place where you actually were able to identify, you know, what it is that you are good at? You know, that, that that's been placed in you in. I guess that's it. I mean just like how did you actually discover like or identify what it is that you wanted to do or just that gift that you actually have? [00:43:45] Speaker C: Yeah, good question. So I had this passion about writing long time ago, since I was teenage. I love to read book. But also writing and those skills, when you have those gift, it's it stay with you. It might sleep little bit muted because you get married, kids, bills, responsibility, traffic, driving. But those stuff, it stay with you. And this is how I found out. When I finished school and my kids start getting, you know, growing from teenage, you know, going to college, I started asking myself a lot of question. I said, I remember I did have skills before. I used to be swimming coach, I used to write, why not going back to those skills? And this is how, you know, how you find yours. This question I've Been asked many times, I said how you know what is your core genius. How you know what is really your hidden talent? Well, your hidden talent is the one thing that you lose the sense of timing. You do it so well and without any feeling, any effort. Like you don't feel tired, you don't feel it's a job. And that's one thing that you scale at very well. It's bring you joy as well, right? So let's say you are an IT guy and you make very good money, but you draw very nice. When I see your painting, I was like, oh my God, Derek, I know you have a full time job, they pay you well, but why you never share those paint with any. Oh, that's nothing. I do it in the spare time. But I love it all my weekend I don't feel the time all the weekend I paint. So that's your core genius, that's your hidden gem. Because you don't feel the time and you don't feel the effort. You do it so well. You scale at it and you actually when you monetize it, you will wondering why people even paying you because you do it so naturally. It's so natural. It's. It's inside you. It's like a gem. It's like a hidden gem. It's come out same thing with people when they do speaking. If you ask Les Brown, why are you speaking? He said, I don't know, I'm Les Brown. I speak because I'm good at it. He's very close when he speak, very close to heart. He can't do anything else. Just speaking and writing book. He's Les Brown, right? He can do something. That's his hidden gem. So each one of us have that talent inside them. And it's very sad if you leave this world without discovering that talent. It's very sad. There is a quote from Malcolm Forbes. He said the biggest. I don't quote to other. I don't want to make a mistake in the quote. But he's talking about the biggest mistake people make in their life is not trying to make a living at what they most enjoy. That's the biggest mistake. Because if you enjoy doing something and you make it a living, you don't feel the time and effort and that will be. And that's how I found out about my. I had it, I just put it to sleep because I was taking care of the kids and degree and all of that. But it's pop up again and it's go Back to the 50 I thanks my 50 when it's hit. [00:47:03] Speaker B: So are you doing a lot of writing now like journaling or any type of blog? [00:47:07] Speaker C: Yes, I do, I do. I used to do the blogs and I was writing more in my old website which I shut it down last year on September 1st, but now I'm doing journaling a lot and also I am a co author of a book on Amazon, but I am working on more books now, so hopefully near future. Yes. [00:47:30] Speaker B: Yeah, I can wait for return now. [00:47:32] Speaker C: Yes, yes, definitely. You, you will know about it. Yeah. [00:47:38] Speaker B: So how do, how do you think, you know when it just kind of comes to like balance, you know, balancing with what God has placed on you to do, but also, you know, we have to, we have to live. So when you talk about like financial stability and doing what God wants you to do, do you ever find it like kind of difficult because you feel like, well, God is calling me to do this or pulling me in this direction, but I know I need to take care of this over here. How do you, how do you navigate that? [00:48:20] Speaker C: Yes, there is no balance. I don't believe in that word. If you have a side business as an entrepreneur like me and doing business and solving problems for people and also have a day job, you have to be realistic. I have two kids in college. I cannot just coming and dreaming and say, oh, my business, my core genius look wonderful. Okay, who's gonna pay the bills? Me and my husband. So I have to be realistic. I still need that steady job to pay the bills and the utility at my kids college. But that doesn't make me give up my dream as well. So I'm not balancing, I'm integrating both. And I'll give you an example. We booked this podcast with you and he said, say Ron, this is my time. This is a different timing. You book that time, you're going to record a podcast with me. I did not balance between me being with you and the podcast and at the same time answering my daughter text and you know, doing something else and looking at. I master one thing, I book a time with you to do the podcast. I did not balance it with other tasks because that doesn't make me look good, doesn't make me look professional. If I do three things. If I balance the activity, answering my work phone, doing the talk with you and answering my daughter texts, I'm giving 20% to you, 30% to my daughter, and 30% to the other things. So I'm not mastering anything. There is no black belt in anything. Right. I haven't mastered anything. But If I book that time to be with you, that's all the podcast, right? So I'm really not balancing when I do business, I have sick and annual leave. So when I take leave from my day job that day, all that day, I'm doing my business because I took off from work. So I'm not opening the work laptop, I'm not opening the work phone. All I'm doing is my side business. Same thing when I'm working as an engineer. You don't see me on Instagram, you don't see me answering any client because I'm eight hours working for the authority. So I'm not mixing them, I'm not balancing them, I am separating them. But I'm integrating them in a way that they compliment each other's. They don't overlap in a way. Taking advantage of each other's. You have to do one things well. Robert Greene talk about it in the mastery book, right? You need to master. They talk about, what's that rule? The thousand, the ten thousand rule. Like, you know, like Bruce Lee said, he said like, don't be afraid of someone who doing the kick thousand time. Be afraid of the guy who's doing the same kick thousand times because he become a master at. Right? And like you doing the podcast, I'm sure if you go back and you look at your first one and now you're doing more than it's big change because you master the game, right? You're doing it in a way. [00:51:25] Speaker B: I was just thinking about that when. [00:51:26] Speaker C: You said, oh yeah, yeah, you're building the skills up. It's like, wow, why I was doing that? I remember the first time when they put me on the stage at Women in Technology and I would start talking, I forgot my name. I was like, why I'm here? I didn't even know why I'm here. The lady was looking at me like, what's wrong with her? She thought like, I was like, what's going on here? Like why I'm here? I mean, I'm not saying I am perfect speaker now, but I'm more comfortable like prompt speaking. You threw me in any stage and say, just bring up any subject and I'll start talking about it. But I wasn't like that in the beginning. It wasn't that easy. You build a mastery as you go, but there is no balance. There is no balance. You are on vacation. You better just to be on vacation. Don't open the warpla, you know, laptop if you are with your friend. Yeah, be with your friend. Enjoy the Time with your friend. Don't check million things while you are not respecting your friend. If you are checking your phone every five minutes. So mastery. Yeah, mastery. [00:52:35] Speaker B: That's true. Wow. I like that word. Also. Integrate. That was, that was good. Yeah, there's about you integrate. Yeah, because that's what. Exactly, that's exactly what it is. You just kind of weave in. And then another thing you said as far as the, you know, master, master whatever it is that you're going to do, I never forget, you know, you always hear and I think I used to, I used to pride myself on just like kind of being good at many things and be like jack of all trades type of thing. But when you finish it, jack of all trades, master of none, because you spread out too thin all over the place. And so just find something that, that aligns with your gifts and talents and then what God has you to do. [00:53:21] Speaker C: Yeah, it's give you power and uniqueness. Because even at job, you see that one guy, he sit on the corner, all he do track engineering or all he do low voltage power or whatever he's mastering in that one niche, people tend to go only to that guy because he mastered in that subject. But if he's doing all little things all over the place, no one will go to him as a resource. Right. Same thing with your podcast. If your podcast came in such a platform copy paste from other podcasts, people will not be willing to be featured as a guest with you because, oh, he sounds the same. Derek is podcast just like whoever's podcast. But when you have that uniqueness, when you have your niche in a way you will stand out and you differentiate from others. That's how you make people drawn to your platform. Yes, same thing. [00:54:14] Speaker B: Yeah, I like that. [00:54:21] Speaker C: See, so my last name is difficult, but I have some stuff to tell. Right. [00:54:27] Speaker B: You do. [00:54:31] Speaker C: I'm just worried about your Jay. [00:54:40] Speaker B: Wait, you said you guys knowing your husband. You guys been married with it 27 years. [00:54:45] Speaker C: I stopped counting after the 25 years. Since 1997. Yeah. It seems like yesterday when we were dating, but yeah, since 1997. Yep, yep. Yes, yes. Yeah, it's all good. Yeah. [00:55:02] Speaker B: So how do you feel like, you know, when here you have all these opportunities like just in front of you now and God has presented you with all this stuff that he's like, okay, I'mma give you this, I'm going to bless you with this. And I'm going to bless you with this. So I think, okay, here we go. This is, I'm just thinking like it's almost like driving on a freeway where you have exit after exit, exit another exit. Sometimes this exit could be right for you, sometimes it could be wrong for you. How do you know like which, which exit to actually take? Is it something that, okay, maybe it's. I would be in a position where I could actually elevate somebody. I could, I could learn, I could grow, be in a position where I could do some mentoring. But then this exit right here is just going to allow me to not really make an impact. But sometimes you might not, you might not know based off of maybe the title of the exit. There's no telling. But how are you actually able to discern or just know like this is good, this isn't. [00:56:35] Speaker C: Beautiful. Question. So how do you know this exit is really good or bad for me? Right? How I know? I don't know. I'm going to ask God when I have faith on him, when he make me make that decision to take the exit or not taking the exit, he know it's work the best for me because I don't know. I personally don't know because the exit title, you said it. Well, it might deceive you, it might look perfect to you, but when you do it, it's a hurdle, it's an obstacle, it's problems, it's disappointment. But even in that situation, God make you make that decision. It's for your own good. Because he want you to learn certain and unveil certain things to you that's been hiding from you. So you don't know as a human being, you don't know which exit work the best. And I'm just like any other human being. Not being good at math, that means I know better than others, right? I'm just like any other human being. I'm just good in math, right? But when I put all my faith on him and I'm so close to take that exit, all I'm gonna ask him, God, what do you think? And he's gonna give me a hint. Either he's gonna me take it or skip it. And in both way is in my own benefit because he know better than me. So I'm going to listen to his decision and just doing it good on bad at the end, it's for my own benefit. [00:57:58] Speaker B: That's right. [00:57:59] Speaker C: Both way. [00:58:01] Speaker B: I think you know. And based off of your response, it's like, you know, that's, that's one of the benefits of actually. It's like being connected right to God and staying rooted, staying grounded and being able to have that relationship. Because if you don't have that relationship, you're not going to be able to know whether or not this is where God wants me to go. Or maybe he wants you to pass up on this opportunity now because he has something greater for you. So when it comes to, like, just during that process of, like, just staying connected and pursuing, do you feel like it actually allows you to just kind of overcome, like, different challenges and setbacks as well? [00:58:55] Speaker C: Of course, I. I could not overcome anything without his help. Because just like any other human, we don't know everything. We are here all to research and know the answers. We don't have all the answers. I don't know if I'm going to a job tomorrow. That's the best job for me. God is. No. Even if it's not the best job for me, my next decision will be a better decision because I learned a lesson from it. We are not in the world. That there is a manual that I can give you. I say, hey, Derek, this manual called the best podcast in the world. Read it and you're going to be number one podcast in the world. There's no such manual to live in any job or any personal life. There is no manual telling you, hey, Derek, this manual telling you how to find the best partner. There is no manual written. You have to take the action and learn the lessons in order to go to the next step. We are all discovering. It's a discovery journey. I didn't know that coming to United States, I came single. I was 26. I met the best man at Guam, right? And you know what the irony is? He's graduated the same university, same year that I graduate. I never met that guy, nor on the picnic or library or at the university building. I met him at the island in Guam. And God said, you both graduated the same year, but you're getting married In United States, 63,000 miles away from where we both born. That's the fate. That's the destiny. I didn't come to this country to get married, but God have that plan for me to have a family married to him and have kids. So I didn't know. I didn't know anything. I thought, this is American dream. I see the movie. Everything is vivid color, there is light. New York. Oh, my God, I'll be a celebrity. No. God said no. That's the movie you've seen in Iraq. That's not the reality. That's a celebrity life, which is also fake. You coming? This is a world of reality. Pay taxes, work hard, build a House, have a family. This is the American dream. The American dream is do what stuff that you dream about that you couldn't do before, and now in this land, you can do it. So I didn't know. I didn't know how. I know he's a good man. I think God just reward me with him. He happened to be the best husband. Right. I hope he's not hearing me. And his head has become big. So he's downstairs. If he hear me now. His head. He already have a big head. Now his head is bigger. Yeah. I hope he's not hearing me because I don't say that in front of him yet. So between us. [01:01:57] Speaker B: That is great. That is great. [01:01:59] Speaker C: Yeah. Derek liked this part because I am appraising another guy. You see, if it was a woman, he don't even care. He's gonna edit it in the podcast. But because he's talking about another guy, he's gonna put spotlight on him. [01:02:16] Speaker B: There you are. [01:02:21] Speaker C: It's all good. It's all good. [01:02:24] Speaker B: Oh, wow. So I'm just thinking, like, man, that's decent. Ad you guys went to the school, never knew each other at that time. You guys met in Guam, and it's like, wow. I mean, how amazing is that to know that, you know, God kind of like just orchestrated this whole thing. [01:02:45] Speaker C: Yes. [01:02:46] Speaker B: And you guys just. You just never knew. [01:02:49] Speaker C: Yes. So far. [01:02:51] Speaker B: And I think you just think about. I'm just thinking about what you said. That also is like, if people. If people knew, like, what they would actually go through from the beginning where, you know, God, just like, you know what you're going to have to go through this challenge. You have to go through this challenge. You're going to have. [01:03:13] Speaker C: Yes. [01:03:14] Speaker B: I think people would try to do whatever they can to try to circumvent the. The heartache, the hardship. [01:03:19] Speaker C: Yes. [01:03:20] Speaker B: And never actually get the experience, but also develop that faith in themselves and that courage in themselves that they can actually overcome and that they have all the power within themselves. If they just rely not just on them, but on another God, but also somebody else that can actually help them along the way. [01:03:47] Speaker C: Yeah, yeah. You do your best. And the stuff that you have no control of, the disaster, the death of a family member, these stuff that is out of our control, but the way how you react to it. God don't want you to be miserable. God didn't bring you to this world to be a miserable. And suffering and crying and weeping. That's not his purpose. He want you to learn lessons and do your best and help others. The main purpose, he brought all of us to help each others. I'm not just here in this world so I can make the more money, buy more houses, jewelry. That's not the purpose of life. The purpose of life is me building a family and also helping others and be happy myself as well. Not leaving myself from the equation. But without having God in your equation, you are lost. You are a robot without a soul. You are just a robot. You just move and you have no soul. And you can tell from the. You can see if you go to a gathering or you go to a group, you can see people who are lost. It's so obvious the way how they talk, the way how they operate, the way how they react. You can tell they have no faith because they have not just not having empathy. You don't feel you are with the human, you feel you are with a robot. [01:05:17] Speaker B: Yeah, that is. Oh man, that. Yeah, I've. I've experienced that myself before. I actually just kind of identify with my passions and, you know, where God was leading me. But I also see it in other people. And I think that sometimes that's, that's like super frustrating. Especially when you know the person has potential and they've actually shared with you some things that they would really love to do, but they're, they're just stuck in a place where they disallow the fear. They allow the past, they allow their environment to dictate. And I know it's not easy. Just kind of, you know, we've been your way through that kind of stuff because you have to develop a new type of mindset and, and get rid of some old habits and some negative thoughts that you just think about the amount of thoughts we have on a daily basis anyway. Sometimes it's that you really have to focus on the conscience, mind, not the subconscious. And so you're able to like, you know what that thought. I shouldn't have been having that thought. You know what? I'm going to reframe what I'm thinking and say this about myself, that I am capable, I am loving, I am worthy. [01:06:40] Speaker C: Yes, definitely. Definitely. [01:06:43] Speaker B: So how, like, how would you actually encourage somebody who feels stuck, overwhelmed to feel like they don't have what they think they don't have, but in reality they do have in this season of their life. [01:07:03] Speaker C: Yes, good question. So when you are lack of clarity, like we talked earlier, and for someone who don't know what's their purpose, they ask themselves question. I hear that from many clients who make a lot of money and mostly women they said, I, I have everything. I have the family, I have the good husband, I have a million dollar house, I have a well paid job, but I am not happy. And I say, explain to me, what does that mean? I don't know. This is why I'm here speaking with you. I have no joy. What does that mean? Well, I have it all. And if you sequence her life, she got everything perfect. Her kids are a student, her husband's helping her in the kitchen, which. That's the big things, right? They always talk about that. They don't help me around the kitchen. He cook, he's a good husband, he treat her well. There is love in the equation. Then why you are not happy? Then when I ask them coaches, we tend to ask a lot of questions. Kind of like peeling the onions to go deep down and see what's going on. Some push back. Some they just admit they feel no, no impact. There is no sense of belonging. They go to the work, they make 300,000, they are chief engineer. They come back home, eat dinner, go to vacation, take two picture and Instagram. Numb, numb, numb. It's like a routine, numb. There is no impact. There is no sense of belonging. They don't feel they are doing something for others. Don't you see a lot of rich people, when they retire, they go and volunteer in the hospital or at churches because they are doing things free. And when you ask them, they say, oh, I love it and it's free. There is no money on it because you see that fulfillment in people eyes. And that's. What's the money paid for? That's no money paid for. Because it's like when I coach and people pay me. I'm not saying it's bad. I'm saying when you give volunteer work when you like, for example, I coach veteran and sbt stand beside them. It's a big organization, nonprofit organization. They pay me penny. They don't pay me anything. This is giving back to community. When I coach those veterans, I see the fulfillment. I feel like a million dollar because I change their mindset. I give them a hope. I brought them from the military, you know, difficult being on the field, coming to the Civil War world and how to go back to the community and be part of this community that's worth million dollars. [01:09:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:09:37] Speaker C: So this is how you know, what is your hidden talent? Going back to your question, you have to ask yourself, deep, deep, deep question to yourself alone, what I really want to do in this life, Is this the job I want? I'm in it, making Good money. Is that all? No, I don't think so. I think I have other things to do. I think I have an impact. I can leave. Where is my legacy? What is that footprint and the impact that I can leave? When I go from this world, people say, wow, she or he make that different. So you be clear with yourself and don't resist. I tell my client, they said, oh, I've been in a bad marriage. I'm still struggling. I have trauma. I lost my son, I lost my daughter. These are all big deal stuff. I mean, grieving over someone who's very close to you. I lost my mom when she was not even 60. It's hard. But I tell them, don't resist that. Go through it. When you resist it, Derek, when you push it away and shovel it away, every bad experience, every bad feeling, disappointment, people mistreat you. Any bad experience you have in life, when you shuffle it away, you push it away, it's gonna come and hit you bad. In the ugliest version, it's better to go through it. Go through the pain, go through the cry. Just face it. In a way, say, okay, that's things that happen. What I can change what's percentage on it in my control. Then do that percentage. The rest is not in your control. God will take care of it. But don't shuffle it away. Don't push it away. If I am bad to you and I said something inappropriate, don't sleep on it. Just call me. Say, sayan, I respected you, but I'm so disappointed you said that about me. Can you tell me what triggered you to say that? Don't put that pain inside you. Face it. Clear it up. Don't resist it. Because if you keep it inside, it's going to pile up and it's going to get darker and darker and darker and that's going to put burden in your shoulder and you don't want that. [01:11:59] Speaker B: That is so true. Just carrying away, carrying away some unnecessary stuff that, yeah, we all do sometimes. And yeah, that is. That is one. That is. That is some wisdom right there. There is some wisdom, some nuggets that people can actually take and meditate on and just think about in their own personal lives. That's good. Ladies and gentlemen, y'all have heard it first. [01:12:31] Speaker C: Thank. Good. I hope everything's okay in this area. Great, great, great. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. [01:12:42] Speaker B: You're welcome.