Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] D. Wells here. D. Wells, why not you quit reacting and start listening? Quit reacting and start listening. This is how we develop empathy and emotional intelligence. I mean, we need to be present right, whenever we're communicating, not preoccupied. And so, like, how many times have you actually been in an argument where you're not even listening? You're just waiting for your turn to talk? Or worse, halfway through, you're already drafting your I'm right, you're wrong speech in your head.
[00:00:31] I mean, I've been there. And here's the problem. When we stop listening, we stop understanding. And when we stop understanding, we lose empathy. And so today I'm just going to be breaking down, like, why empathy is essential and how emotional intelligence actually helps us navigate those emotions instead of reacting. Because the truth is, we've all had those moments when we say, why did I say that?
[00:00:58] And so how, how Jesus modeled empathy perfectly. He still was able to maintain this, this composure of just humility and righteousness. And so, like, if you've ever struggled with just being defensive, letting your emotions take over, just knowing how, how to show or not showing compassion in those tough conversations, this one right here is for you. This is for you.
[00:01:29] So what is empathy? What is empathy? Empathy is more than just nodding politely, right, while somebody talks. It's actually feeling what that other person is going through. And there are three types of empathy. When you think about it. It's that, that cognitive empathy, understanding. It's that, you know, understanding someone's thoughts and feelings.
[00:01:55] Because now when you do that, now you're, you're actually, you're putting yourself in a position where you actually see and hear what they're saying.
[00:02:05] And that emotional empathy, feeling what they feel. It's like, man or girl. I feel that too. I feel that too. Then you have that compassionate empathy, right? Actually taking action.
[00:02:21] I see it, I feel it, and I want to help.
[00:02:25] And without empathy, what do we do? We react emotionally instead of responding wisely.
[00:02:33] We miss what that other person is really saying.
[00:02:36] And that makes the conversation.
[00:02:40] When we do that, it makes a conversation about us instead of them. But when we develop that empathy, wow, now we're, we're talking about strengthening relationships and building trust. Now we can de. Escalate conflict instead of adding fuel to the fire. And then we become more Christ, like, by creating a safe place, right?
[00:03:02] There's always, there's, there's always that, that, that ability to actually dig ourselves in a hole. And by, by not listening or just kind of, you know, disregarding what other people think. And so when we do that, now, we're stepping into that danger zone, right? The. The dangers of, of allowing those emotions to, to control us.
[00:03:25] And so just imagine, like, you know, you're just losing your composure in the argument.
[00:03:31] I've been there. Right. It's like you, you've been in that argument where halfway through you just start feeling personally attacked. And even though the other person is just expressing their feelings, is that ego, their pride, and that selfishness that begins to kick in. And instead of hearing the other person, we're just focusing on defending ourselves.
[00:03:53] In James 1:19, he talks about everyone should be what, quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.
[00:04:04] Translation. Right, here we go. Translation.
[00:04:08] Listen first, speak second, argue, preferably never.
[00:04:16] Because when we let those emotions take over, we stop hearing what the other person is really trying to say and we respond defensively instead of compassionately. And then we just end up turning this simple conversation into an unnecessary battle zone. But if we let go of that, that ego and that pride, we create a safe space where people feel heard and understood and valued.
[00:04:39] And when people feel heard, they're more likely to open up instead of just shutting down.
[00:04:48] That's why I love how Jesus exemplified empathy. He didn't just hear people, he felt with what they were going through. And a perfect example is the woman at the well. He didn't condemn her or ignore her struggles. He listened, acknowledged her pain, and spoke truth and love.
[00:05:06] Another example, when Lazarus died, Jesus wept even though, even though he knew he was going to raise Lazarus. That's the crazy part. Even though he knew he was going to raise Lazarus, he still felt the pain around those that were within him, that were with him. I mean, I mean, you just think about that, especially in Jesus. I mean, you already know what the outcome is going to be, but you still feel that. That, that pain, that empathy of those people who love Lazarus, that empathy that, you know, all he, all he did was express empathy, and he put that in action.
[00:05:46] Jesus, he was never too, too proud to listen. He never reacted out of ego. And he met people where they were and made them feel understood and valued.
[00:05:57] Let's get into some ways where we can actually develop that empathy. Let's get into this.
[00:06:04] So how do we. How do you stop reacting emotionally and start responding with empathy? Here are three ways. Practical ways. Practice active listening.
[00:06:17] Instead of, instead of forming your response while that other person is talking, actually listen. Listen to what they're saying. Be present and repeat back what they actually say just to confirm that you understand.
[00:06:31] 2.
[00:06:33] Ask yourself am I listening to respond or to understand?
[00:06:38] Because if you're not, the other person going to know based off your response. But if you're just. And if you're just. You're just waiting for your turn to talk, you're not really listening.
[00:06:51] Genuinely listen without thinking about your response. Allow your response to happen organically. I think that's the key.
[00:07:00] And don't try to come up with no perfect response either.
[00:07:04] However, before responding, take a second and just ask, what is this person really feeling? And if you feel comfortable, ask them how they're feeling. That's just going to be based on the conversation and whether, whether or not you really, you have this relationship with them. Right?
[00:07:23] Another thing, let go of that ego and that pride. If your goal is to, to win an argument instead of like, understanding this, this person, you've. You've already lost.
[00:07:37] Because humility creates that, that safe place for real conversations and real healing. It's not, it's not about agreeing with anyone. It's about understanding them. And when we listen with compassion, we reflect the love of Christ.
[00:07:51] So here's a challenge that I have for you. The next time you're in a heated discussion, pause before reacting.
[00:08:00] Take a deep breath.
[00:08:03] Try repeating back, you know what that person is actually saying before giving a response. And most importantly, ask God to help. Help you see.
[00:08:14] Help you see the. Help you see this. This person the way he does. Now, here's the scripture. Here's a scripture to think about.
[00:08:24] When Jesus said, my sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27. He talks about these, these, these verses right here. Highest lights, like, three things that we all struggle with at some point. And it's listening, understanding, and responding. Think about it like, how many times have you heard someone talking about talking but you aren't really listening? Jesus said, my sheep hear my voice, but are you actually listening? Jesus says his sheep recognize his voice, meaning they just don't hear noise. They actually tune in and pay attention and respond.
[00:09:05] Now imagine if, if we did that in our relationships, but instead we're like, this is like a conversation with you and your significant other. You can be like, babe, can we talk?
[00:09:19] Here you are scrolling through Instagram. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
[00:09:27] Your significant other ask you, what did I say?
[00:09:32] Then you're like, jesus loves us.
[00:09:37] Look, empathy starts with active listening. Just, just like following Christ starts with actually hearing his voice.
[00:09:45] So if we're, if we're saying that we're following Jesus, but we can't even listen when he Speaks. Are we really his sheep or just fans?
[00:09:57] Or are we just fans of, you know, of somebody who just likes to be in the eye, who likes the idea of just being his sheep.
[00:10:07] Another thing he said, I know them, I know them. But are you truly trying to understand the people that you're talking to or the person that needs you? Because Jesus doesn't. He doesn't just hears us. He knows us. He understands our struggles, our doubts and fears, even the excuses we make when we don't want to do what he says.
[00:10:29] God says, look, I don't think I'm the right person for that.
[00:10:35] That's what we say. We say, God, I don't think I'm the right person for that.
[00:10:42] True empathy isn't just nodding along, is stepping into somebody else's emotions and understanding their pain and making them seem. Making them feel seen and valued. And I know sometimes that can be hard, especially when you're talking to somebody who's extremely sensitive or emotional.
[00:11:06] All the things. Only thing they're doing right now is just. It's almost like they're blaming, right? They're not even acknowledging what it is that you really need to talk about.
[00:11:16] But you see, most of us, when we listen, when we listen just enough to respond, not to understand.
[00:11:25] This is what that sounds like, man, I'm really struggling.
[00:11:30] And you're like, here's your response.
[00:11:34] Yeah, I feel that. Anyway, did I tell you about my rough day now? Are you really trying to understand that person in that kind of.
[00:11:45] You're just letting it all you. The only thing you're doing is letting them know that what they have to say isn't important.
[00:11:51] Thing is they'll never tell you anything else and your friendship will have limitations.
[00:11:57] Jesus model empathy by actually knowing us.
[00:12:02] So are we doing the same thing for others?
[00:12:05] Do you listen to people with the intent to understand them or just to get your turn to talk?
[00:12:12] What else did Jesus say? And they followed me, but are you actually responding?
[00:12:19] Listening is, is basically, is step one, understanding is step two. But following, actually doing something is where most of us drop the ball. So just imagine if Jesus. Jesus disciples heard his voice, they understood his mission, and then. And then just. Just sat there.
[00:12:42] Man, that sermon was fire. We should totally follow him.
[00:12:48] Yeah, girl. Yeah, man, let's think about it. Yeah, maybe next week. That's. Yeah, that's what we'll do. We'll wait till next week. But we do this all the time. We hear God telling us to.
[00:13:03] We hear God telling us to show us, you know, grace have patience. But the thing is, we're not letting go of that pride. And then we still act like emotional toddlers when somebody offends us. Empathy is about action, right? Choosing to love, choosing to listen, choosing to create that safe space for others.
[00:13:25] Yes. And so if you're not responding with Christ, like love, after hearing his voice, are you actually following him or just admiring him from a distance?
[00:13:37] So one thing I really want you to think about is are you truly listening to the. To the people in your life?
[00:13:46] Are you seeking to understand them before reaction, reacting?
[00:13:51] And are you responding in a way that reflects Christ's love or just reacting out of your own emotions? Because at the end of. Because at the end of the day, hearing without action isn't listening, just like knowing without following is in discipleships.
[00:14:07] So listen, I have a couple quotes I just want to close out with. Like, they. They hit home. And so one of them is being heard.
[00:14:17] Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable. Meaning when someone truly listens to us, not just hearing our words, but understanding our emotions, our struggles, and the needs, we feel valued, respected, and love.
[00:14:37] Here's another one by Stephen R. Covey. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
[00:14:45] Those are two dynamic quotes. Just think about those, reflect on them, ponder on those.
[00:14:53] Because you got this.
[00:14:55] You got this.
[00:14:57] I just want to thank you for listening and tuning in. I love sharing God with y'all. Just talking about real life issues, right? In the. In a theological way, because we're all going through something. But these are just some simple, practical tips to help you along the way.
[00:15:14] And so if this hit home with you, leave me a comment. Share it with somebody. Share with somebody that you. That you believe that can actually use this message.
[00:15:24] And don't forget to, like, share and subscribe. Just D. Wells, I'm out. Why not? You quit reacting, start listening. All right, I'll see you in the next video. Till then, y'all have a blessed week.
