Episode Transcript
[00:00:01] Speaker A: What's your, like, your overall goal and your vision for your coaching program?
[00:00:08] Speaker B: I want to be able to impact our kids at such a level that it not only creates and sparks hope in them, but in every person that they come in contact with.
And being able to do that, starting when they're young, like, working from, like, the little babies, like fifth grade, you know, on up, like, getting those late elementary, middle schoolers, like, getting them at that age to tap into their power and their capabilities to show them listen.
[00:00:46] Speaker A: Stepping in a bonus and rising from the shadows is making a statement. Chief death investigator PD Ware turns in her forensic tape for a microphone and coaching hat. Now, you can't make the impact God has called you to make when you're confined to a lab. It requires a bold and convicted person to step up and rise to the challenge.
Now, you heard her mission. Let's hear the story and motivation behind the mission and her vision. Yes. Let's get into a PD where.
All right, ladies and gentlemen, this is your host, Dee Wells. And why not you? And I am joined by a special guest today, Pam Ware. But we also call her PD ware, that she has over 20 years. I mean, just in a. In a whole death investigation, uh, industry. And now she's. She's segued out and she's speaking and coaching. And one of the reasons why I'm excited to have her on the show today is because she's all about transformation and helping people get from point a to point d, e, f, g, and she provides the information in the middle to help them. She's bridging the gap, y'all. So thank you for coming on. Pam, how you doing?
[00:02:05] Speaker B: I'm good, I'm good. I appreciate it. I appreciate you for having me on, Mister Wells.
[00:02:10] Speaker A: You are welcome.
I know this journey that we have is one.
I don't. I don't take it lightly. I think in the beginning just kind of, you know, in our younger years, we just kind of rambunch. We're rambunctious, and we just kind of out there doing whatever we want to do, so to speak.
And it seems like sometimes it's not until later on where we actually kind of find and hone in on our. On our purpose and what we've actually been called to do.
And that's just to kind of go out there and do some outreach and touch other people's lives and elevate them to the best of our ability.
And I know you are absolutely killing it right now. You're doing your thing just with, well, one, can you just share a little bit about where you actually come from and talk a little bit about, um, your journey and your, um. I guess just that. That what it was that you were actually doing as a chief death investigator?
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Absolutely. So I hail from Memphis, Tennessee, born and raised.
Went to college right up the road and down the street. So I got my undergraduate degree at the University of Tennessee, Knoxville. I was a ladyball track athlete for a few years before I stopped to focus on academics, and I went to mortuary school at Northwest Mississippi community College.
I got interested in death when I was 14 years old. There's nobody in my family that was a mortician. What happened was, my mom was a deputy jailer at the time for the sheriff's department, and she worked at the county jail, and I was just with her on the funeral service for one of their coworkers. And my task was to watch all of the purses. Well, no 14 year old kid wants to be sitting in a church watching purses, especially on a Saturday morning. And so I took those purses and threw them on the back pew. And I deal with most kids to be nosy.
I just started looking around the criminal home, and I noticed, like, these people who were talking with the families, and then I found out that they were criminal directors. So at 14, I told my mom, I said, hey, I'm going to be a mortician. Now, the cool thing was, she didn't think anything was wrong with it.
But on the flip side of that, she didn't know at that age exactly what it would take me. I would go on to serve my community, but also become the mortician for my family and some close friends and several of her friends as well. So I've always had a passion for serving people more reserved. So I consider myself kind of introverted, but in the word about where most people would think about death, for me, it felt like a calling, and it was something that I had a deep desire to do. But it wasn't until I got older that I realized what that calling was meant for. And so I ventured out. I went to. I wanted to go to mortuary school right out of undergrad, but God has some other plans for me. So the week before I graduated from college, and I had made all these plans, I'd already picked out which school I was gonna go to. My grandmother died suddenly the week before college.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: So that kind of changed the trajectory of things, but had to come back home, and I helped my mom and my two older sisters. We kind of saw after my granddaddy. And in that time, I ended up meeting my husband. Lost my grandfather, got married a year later, buried my father in law. And then after that, God said, now it's time to go to school. And he was just preparing me. I've never been super, like, overly emotional, but always a high level of compassion and understanding.
And so he just needed me to go through some things for what was going to be down the road. So went through mortuary school. The goal was to take each class no more than once.
And then I got connected with a family. We kind of had the same morals and values, and I've been serving with that family ever since. And so I had been there for several years. Kind of always had a desire to do investigations. When I was in high school, my mom gave me this crime scene homicide checklist folder. I don't know where she got it from, but I still have that folder to this day.
And so while about eight years in at the frontal home, I applied for a position as an autopsy tech with the medical examiner's office. Didn't get. Didn't get the job the first go round. Thought I bombed the interview. So I was focused on working on my master's in investigations at Oklahoma State. And I promise you, a year to the date, I had just got back from a campus visit, and they posted a job, another job for autopsy tech. And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna still work on going to school. Not gonna apply for it. And my sister like, no, you should really apply for us. No. And so I decided to apply for it. Well, I got the job. So I did autopsy tech for two years before I became an investigator. And I was an investigator for two years, and then I left the department for another opportunity as a program administrator for the anatomical bequest, and that's the university's body donation program. So when people donate their body to science, like, all of any type of physician that you want to be, they go through. That's the office where they facilitate the students being able to work on actual live cadavers. And I was there for 45 days before our former chief took a promotion with the state office. And I had no intentions of going back to the office as the chief, but God had other plans, and so he took me back in, and it was a great experience.
And it was then I got connected with one of the program directors at the juvenile court center because there was a young man that was in our facility, unfortunately, and he had an ankle monitor on, and I cut that ankle monitor off for it. And she asked me if I would be interested in coming over and speaking to the kids. And that was about three years ago, and so I'm still doing that. But that sparked, that was the beginning of having that revelation that something else was coming.
One of the cool things when I came back in as the chief, during my interview, one of the reason, one of the things that they asked me, if you were awarded a position and you left again, like, what would be the reason that you would leave? And so my answer to that, and this was coming from our deputy chief at the time, who is our current chief. And I said it would have to be something on a bigger scale, either corporate or I'm doing something bigger on my own.
And so, right a little bit over two years in, and every time I will go out and speak to the kids, I got to the point where the job wasn't difficult, but I saw so many more lives lost. And I'm like, man, I felt like God had given me this message to share, that everything that I had gone through in every arena related to death was not for me to sit behind the desk.
And slowly that revelation was slowly coming to life, because every time I would go speak, we would just have so many more kids that would just come in through. And he was like, got to the point. I was sitting in my office, and I was just thinking back over how many cases we've had. And I was like, man, it's like, you know, I've, you know, assisted in more autopsies, worked more crime scenes, and buried more kids. And I've been to graduations.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: And I'm like, man, that's a problem. So he was like, either you gonna sit behind the desk and push the paper, or you gonna pursue the purpose. And I had been having all of these, like, visions and stuff that I've been getting.
And so I told my husband, I said, man, I said, I think it's, I'm not going to be able to develop or to fulfill that purpose in the office because it's such a demanding area, especially like being a chief. I was overseeing a group of ten investigators, fantastic team of individuals. And I tell people, not everybody can do that job, but we have people from all different backgrounds. And so day in and day out, being able to go through and see what we see on a day to day basis, and then you compound that week after week, month after month, year after year.
That is a profound group of people. And so I always have a high level of respect for those that are working in the industry and whatever, if it's death investigations, if it's autopsy, if it's forensic pathology, if it's mortuary science, because you're dealing with people, to me, at the most difficult time of their lives, and you still got to keep it together.
And so I decided that all of the ideas and the things that, the message that he had put inside of me, he said, it's time to use it, because how many more kids are you going to let that? You're going to let that because they're not hearing the message, because you sitting behind the desk, you know, because you wearing a uniform, it was never about the title. And that's one of the things I share with the kids. Like, the title doesn't make you, I make whatever position it is, you know, and just sharing the successes, you know, being able to, you know, go from being a weird kid in high school and it's weird until they need you, you know, but I never take that for granted, never abuse the fact of the strength that he gave me to be able to show that sympathy and empathy in the most profound way over and over and over again.
And so it's been a journey, so it's been an interesting last couple of years to see like how he's working and see how things are coming to fruition.
[00:13:06] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think, wow, I mean, you said, you said so many things. You were dropping so many nuggets right there just from, well, you know, you have to be in a place where you can actually hear and listen and then receive.
Because you just think about like how many people actually get some type of revelation or they get some type of idea, some type of download that they receive from God, but for whatever reason, they just don't move on it. They feel like, well, I don't think that was God or I don't know where that came from, but if God was talking to me, he's going to talk to me in another kind of way or I, I'm a receiver from this person.
And so, I mean, there's just a lot of people that end up just blocking their own blessings from not being able to be in that place where you can actually receive. And he lets you know when, hey, when you ready, when you ready? Oh yeah, he's right there. He dummy, God is just right there waiting for us to taxes. Okay, gotta hear you. And I'm ready to, I'm ready to go to work, but I mean, that is so huge.
Also the fact that he said, um, you ain't gonna be able to do it behind a desk, you ain't gonna be able to do it behind, you know, just wearing this uniform. You got to go out there. You gotta go out.
[00:14:33] Speaker B: Gotta get, gotta go. I gotta get out of the building.
[00:14:35] Speaker A: Yep. So how, I mean, when you think about just making that, that transition from going to, you know, leaving that to now. Okay. Gotta hear you. This is what I want to do. I'm gonna do your will, but just making that transition from, like, a sense of comfort to now you gotta go out there, and now it's like, now you, now you operate on a whole nother, whole nother level of faith at this point. How, how did you make that transition? And, you know, kind of, what were some of the things you had? You were thinking about.
[00:15:11] Speaker B: Man, I'm, uh, if we, if we talk it in this assessment, I am by the book. Like, it's got a very strategic, everything has got to be aligned and that, you know, high, highest grounds crew, air traffic control, that's me all day. But in this realm, it's totally different. Like, I think on my pilot, my deed's, like, super low.
It has been challenging but rewarding all in the same sense, because I am not afraid of growth.
And I know that the, where he's taking me is going to require me to be a higher version of what I was as a lead investigator and all the other roles. Like, I am going into the person that's going to have to. Like, it's a different level of emotional strength. It's a different level of mental strength, spiritual strength, and physical strength.
And it's funny because before, before I became the chief investigator, there was a period I got to in my life where physically I was just born down. I was probably at my worst, and I started implementing these new things. And so it was at that point, I created a blueprint.
And so now I'm in the process, like, okay, I've got to go back to that blueprint. There are certain things in that blueprint that I need for this new season. And then there's, once I take those things, then the old blueprint has got to be burned because we've got to create some new things that are going to require a lot of heavy lifting and being able to tap in to another, another level of Pam. Like, I know I've got to go to another level. So it's been a challenge, but it's been interesting to see me develop into this new person that's a little bit more outspoken, starting to network a little bit more, and starting to actually trying to find some comfort and visibility if.
Yeah, so that's why it's funny. Like, my husband, he would. I have to tell him sometimes, like, don't be like, you can't be telling all my business. Like, he'll be out there like this all day long. You know, it's good. You know, I like it in stages.
[00:17:51] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:53] Speaker B: But he travels, so he's not here all the time, because I'd probably be, you ought to do this. You should. You should do that. And he probably would just throw me out there to the wolves and, like, you'll be okay.
[00:18:06] Speaker A: Yeah, that is fun. But I like what you said about, you know, just seasons and, or just this being that stage where you just have to operate out of faith, even though you might feel like you're more of an introvert. You have to. You have to trust. You have to have that faith in yourself, otherwise it won't get done. But also the blueprint, that was good, because when you said that, it reminded me of James clear, the one who wrote the book atomic habits.
I had opportunity to see him last year at a John Maxwell conference, and he talked about some of the things or some of the habits that he was implementing before he actually had his child. And so some of the habits that he had then, he were. He wasn't able to actually implement into this lifestyle that he has now because they didn't coincide with one another. Um, that was, you know, those are some of the habits that he had to do as, you know, just a husband, but now he's a parent. So now you have to switch it up.
Right, right. So it's just. Yeah, it just really important that we're definitely, like, more. We're just self aware of, you know, the things that we need, the changes that we need to make at different times in our lives. You know, just. Just kind of goes back to the seasons. It goes back to the season.
[00:19:35] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:19:39] Speaker A: So when you think of, like, just, you know, having some type of defining moment, I know you kind of share briefly just about, you know, how God was just like, okay, you have to. You have to. If you want to make a change, you're gonna have to have faith in me. You got to trust in me. You got to get out that office and go out there and take care of business.
But at that time, do you feel like it was really like God's plan, or do you feel like it was part of you also because you knew that, okay, this is something that I'm passionate about, that I need to do.
So I need to take care of business, or do you feel like it was something that God was kind of putting on your heart and then that you would just kind of follow suit with and then develop that passion?
[00:20:35] Speaker B: I think it's a culmination of both on my end, more so moving. Like, not hesitating because I would get complacent. Like, I would just, I would stay at. Pam would stay in the comfort zone. Pam likes, Pam likes familiarity. So she would stay in the comfort zone. So it's like, it's like, you hear, it's like now. And I was like, okay, if I don't move now, I'm not gonna move.
[00:21:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:02] Speaker B: Like, I'll just be, you know, but then I got to the point where I was like, okay, my conscience is not gonna let, it's not gonna let this rest. Like, the more kids we have, they come, the more parents that come into the lobby, you know, that are unconsollable, like, how many more people gotta lose their life, Pam, before you get up?
And so I was like, okay, we go. We're going to take a leap of faith. Yeah, we gonna move.
[00:21:31] Speaker A: That's right. You know, as I, as I work with people, sometimes, you know, they have something that they really want to do. They, they have something that they feel God has put on their heart to do.
But it becomes that, it becomes a moment where you, like, really have to think about how bad do you really want it.
And if you continue to stay in this place of complacency, what is it going to cost you in the long term? I mean, you might not think, you know, it's going to cost me anything at this present stage, because right now, you just consumed with man. I don't want to do this because it's going to be hard. But you just think about how hard is it really going to be if you don't step out on faith and you just remain in this place of whether it's just being stagnant, whether it's you just allowing your own limiting beliefs just take control of you, and now it just prevents you from really being in the present because you're always consumed with man. Only if I could do such and such. Well, yeah, you could do it. You just need to stop talking about it, thinking about it, and we're fighting about just take some action, right?
[00:22:47] Speaker B: Yep. There you go.
[00:22:52] Speaker A: So what, what are your, like when, I guess when you were kind of going through that process, like, what were some of the, some of the thoughts that you were having where you actually had to just coach yourself through.
[00:23:06] Speaker B: Getting out of the mode of perfection.
I am a stickler for, like, it's gotta be precise. Like, I used, I used to get asked a lot if I was ever in the military. And because some people say I'm so calculated when it comes to certain things, I'm not.
I'm kind, but I'm not inviting. Like, when I'm, when we're, when it's, when it's business, we about business. When they say it's a time and a place, for me, it's a time and a place.
And even in marriage, my husband would tell me, like, there are certain things I don't play with. Like, there ain't no smiles, it ain't no laugh. And he's like, you need to, you need to, like, relax a little bit. I said, well, you know, we can, we can talk about something else, but when it comes to this, right. It's gonna be like, this is how it's gonna be. And I've always been like that. So kind of going through and being okay with everything not being perfect, because then to trying to be perfect puts me back in the same predicament.
Like, wanting everything to be perfect. And like you said, not just, just get started. Like, I heard some people say, just, just do it. Missing. So. And that was one of the reasons, too, for the pocket. It's just like, just do it. Like, if you continue to just try to wait for everything to be like, you gotta let that go and just put it out there. And then learning, like, okay, as I go, it's going to work itself out, you know, relying on, you know, my faith a lot. That's been the number one key, you know, to all of this. And then the solid foundation is having that relationship with God. And, you know, being able to draw closer to him and just, you know, being reminded of his word says and, uh, you know, just. He'll give me little nuggets, hey, I'm on the, like, the little hassling girl. You're on the right road. You going, it may not, it may not be happening like you wanted, like, at the pace you wanted. But when, when the door opens, I know that what he's working on me now is getting me ready for what's coming.
[00:25:22] Speaker A: Absolutely right. Mm hmm. I remember, I think initially when I got the podcast started, well, I felt like I was kind of, like, in that same situation where I felt like I needed to have the right microphone, I needed to have the right camera, the right backdrop.
Looking back, I look back at some of the photos, I'm like, man, what a difference. What a straight transformation.
Because one, I don't, I don't have the same microphone I had in the beginning.
The backdrop I had.
It was, it was okay. But what I got now, I'm just, it's cool. And I was also aware I have my earphones, like the big ones. Like I was in a straight up record studio, you know, say, but, well, there were so many things I thought that I needed when I really didn't need. And you just think about a lot of the people now who are just doing things. A lot of these folks are just using their phone.
As long as you got a message, right? And that's all people want to hear is that message. And should I listen to you?
Are you going to make, are you going to help me make an impact in my life? Are you going to change me somehow? You're going to give me some nuggets, some tips that I can actually apply and implement my life to make me better.
And so, so the stories and just, I guess like you're saying just taking the action is so huge.
[00:26:58] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:27:02] Speaker A: So now as you're going around and you're, you're speaking with people, what do you think? Do you feel like you have or nothing have, but do you feel like you're, you're leaning more towards coaching than speaking or is it vice versa or do you just, or you love them equally the same?
[00:27:24] Speaker B: You know, the last couple months, like, going through what I'm working on, I've been getting a lot more like, you're more like a workshop facilitator and coach, which is probably, probably right, you know, narrowing that down and then, you know, speaking is just a byproduct, you know, of those. But really coaching people through life in making those better choices to create those better chances, especially for our young people, you know, with the situation that they're in, what they're facing now, it's totally different than, you know, situation that we were facing coming up, you know? So being able to guide them and steer them and coach them onto some better paths is definitely the goal. And I just think about, like, all the good coaches that I've had and all the impactful workshops. So I would say that's an accurate assessment, more so that the coaching workshop facilitator and being able to use those platforms to share, to share my message.
[00:28:33] Speaker A: Got it. So do you think, I guess as you're, as you're coaching somebody and so it's mainly youth then, because that's who you, I mean, you're really targeting the youth so they don't go down this path of destruction and allow the environment to take hold of them and influence their mind in a negative way.
What are some of your, I guess, what's, like, your main goal or objective when you're actually speaking or, you know, you're coaching some of these youth?
[00:29:06] Speaker B: The main thing is getting them to develop their critical thinking skills like that. Better choices, better changes. It starts with that choice. Like that decision. I want them to be able to, when they have that choice, come up to think about more than just that moment. I want to challenge them to think about the ripple effect that is going to cause them, their families, other families that could be affected. What that means for their future, though, the future of their families and the future of the communities that they live in, because they're so stuck in one moment and that one negative moment becomes a negative lifetime. So one of the things that I, and I shared this with some of the kids in the class that I was speaking at recently, when you think about the decisions that you make, and I was just sharing with them, like, going into, like, how many homes that I've been in, and you see the difficulty that it takes, like, seeing a moment or grandmother sitting on the side of their bed just can't, you know, make themselves. They just not ready to get up because they know that, you know, the finality is coming, you know, or they can't even get out of their favorite chair in the living room, you know, because the weight of what they're getting ready to experience is just so overwhelming, you know, and having, you know, parents that come in, that's it's creating that environment. So it's like that they're there with me.
And one of the other things that I shared in mortuary school, we taught and we learned that in life, the eyes are the focal point, and in death, it's the mouth.
And to me, what that signifies is that because the eyes are closed, and even though the mouth is closed and even though people may know circumstances, they look for the mortician to put a pleasant expression on your face. And I shared, I was like, you know, going through restorative, restorative art class and, you know, putting that into practice.
You know, I mastered a certain level when it comes to the external appearance, but I'll never be able to master, like, repairing the heart and soul of a mother, a father, or a child losing a loved one, especially the gun violence. And, you know, I just want them to sit in the weight of that, like, how crucial one decision can be, because it can totally change their lives. It doesn't mean that every kid will die, but jail is not a better option. You know, being physically impaired is not a better option.
And so getting them to think outside of those moments, but also to get outside of the feelings, separate the feelings, you know, and think about, like, what's really at stake. So that is the goal, is to empower them to make better choices and then giving them the tools to be able to do that, helping them develop those critical thinking skills. So I call them my thrive framework, you know, transforming their lives through hope, resilience, inspiration, helping them to create a vision for their lives and helping them to develop empathy for themselves and for others.
[00:32:44] Speaker A: Yeah. You know, I think what you're saying right now is just, I wish. I wish more people would actually do it.
And it's studying the consequences, because I think a lot of times, you know, we just make these decisions, or especially, like, as young people that, you know, this, they almost think they got. They almost have. They have nine lives when you really don't.
And so. But when you're actually able, it's no different than, you know, picking up a book and just reading it on, like, historical figure and just kind of watching or just kind of reading, you know, where were some of the habits that they had, the way they actually went around, you know, how they engaged with other people, how they spoke, how they thought, just the communication, their demeanor.
And when you, like, when you study that kind of stuff now, you're. I mean, you're. You're setting yourself up to win, because what you're going to find is that everybody, not everybody, just, you know, especially those people who are productive in it, are in our. And are thriving. Like you're talking about. They just don't hang around with anybody. Their circle is pretty tight.
Uh, the people that they show associate with their thinking level is right above theirs because, you know. Right. Um, and we always hear, you know, don't be the smartest person in there, in your crowd type of thing. But I think consequences been people just don't understand, like that you mentioned earlier, just that ripple effect.
And that's one of the things I love, just kind of talking about and sharing with other people, is that I, you know, the decisions that we make nowadays, you think it's just going to impact you, but it has the ability to impact those people in your lives, impact people down the road that you might not even know because of a simple decision that you decide to make, whether it's, you know, how you found your finances, you think about some of the, like, the home stuff, how you engage with the kids and youngsters.
Man, if you're gonna pick that, if you're gonna pick up a weapon, what are you gonna use that weapon for? I mean, somebody's gonna call your bluff one day, and next thing you know, you're gonna pull the trigger. And if you pull the trigger, it's gonna be a couple things happening. Either you're gonna go to jail then, or you're gonna go to jail a little later.
But then also, you don't take somebody's life. And so not, not only are you affecting this young person's life, but now they're family members as well. And so then it goes back to what you were talking about with the, you know, going to the homes and visiting some of these people who are just in that place. They're just, they're sitting on that bed. They're sitting on the end of their bed or their couch, and they know that next move is going to be, oh, wow, I'm about to face the music. I'm about to go see my loved one.
[00:36:00] Speaker B: Somebody is trying to interrupt this great message.
[00:36:07] Speaker A: That is funny.
That's the truth.
That is the truth. That is the truth.
Oh, shoot.
Well, I think I was just kind of wrapping up, wrapping up all consequences and, you know, people just being more aware of, not only did their actions affect those people and their immediate surroundings, but also the people that they may never even know or meet, but somehow it's going to affect them right down the road.
But when you're, when you're actually talking with, you know, a lot of the youth or even parents or, or family members of those who have, have passed on, you just kind of. But primarily the youth. I was post. But when you're coaching some of these, these youth and, you know, you're sharing these stories with them, how do you, how do, what do you think some of their biggest challenges are that's preventing them from actually, like, listening and hearing your message?
[00:37:27] Speaker B: I think some of them are so hard from the realities that they're in every day, you know, and I share this with parents. Like, if all they see is what's inside of the four walls, then how are they going to aspire to be something different?
[00:37:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:45] Speaker B: Like, if we don't show them, sometimes as parents, we have to create those roles by our kids to go down. But if all they see and you're not setting a good example, you're not pouring into them, then they just become a product of their environment, right? And so they don't have any aspirations. They don't know what that is. Some of the parents don't know what that is because they never had it.
Or maybe one of the things I tell parents, too, is never deny a kid's dream. I don't care how far fetched it seems. If it's something a lot of people tell me, and this is from a lot of the adults, they was like, man, I wanted to be a mortician. And my family was like, no. And I'm like, you know, you don't know, like, what doors, right? Like, that's gonna open. You don't know, like, where that opportunity is supposed to take them because by you closing the door on them, you know, that may be the gateway for the younger ones coming behind them now. They go out of way to hold another generation. They may not be as strong, you know, as the one that's there now, you know, to be able to deal with, you know, what they're dealing with. A lot of the kids, when I asked a lot of the questions, like, what's the, like, especially the last class, like, what's the biggest thing that's causing y'all to make these decisions? And it was association, like wanting to, like, fit in, right? You know? And I'm like, y'all gotta be, y'all gotta get comfortable with fitting out. Like, everybody was created different. Like, there is something unique within each and every last one of you. But the thing is, you gotta be present in order to be able to be here long enough so that you can tap into it, you know, and to develop into the person that you're supposed to be. I said, but if you continue to, like, if you following people, I was like, you know, if you fit out, you know, you can be your own leader, you can, you can do whatever it is that you want to do, but you've got to be, one, be present, and then two, they need love, they need discipline.
And I think sometimes just having somebody to talk to, somebody who they feel like, understands, and there's understanding in it, but also being able to show them right from wrong.
Having good role models, you know, coaches, mentors, those are huge for kids coming up and, you know, not being enabled, you know, at young ages, because when they get to a certain age, it's going to be tough to do, you know, to go back and reverse their behavior. And so now trying to reverse the process of desensitization to, you know, a lot of the kids now, they have no sympathy or empathy, you know, for anything, you know, then I heard these stories, you know, they go to jail now you cry.
No use of crying now. You know, I tell them death doesn't bother me, but what bothers me is the amount of potential, you know, that I see being buried every single day, every single week. And I'm like, you know, all of these potential entrepreneurs, lawyers, doctors, you know, they can do so many things. And nowadays, with what we have now, they can do it a lot faster than we can having access to them, but showing them how to do it in a legitimate way, but they have to be plugged into those things.
And I feel like, as parents, like, stepping up and really taking the lead, as we should, as parents take the lead in the lives of our kids, you know, when they're young and then, you know, when they get older, as long as you've done all that you can do, unfortunately, it's one of those things that some of them just ain't gonna get it right, you know, and that's the, that's the harsh reality of it. You never want that for any kid, but it's just some, you know, they are so hard and that even, you know, you pouring into them and you loving on them, it's hard for them to accept that it's real, you know, that at any moment that it could change.
And so they just need, you know, somebody to listen to them, to pour into them. I did an exercise in the last class, and I had all the parents stand up and turn to the kids, and I had them just as loud as they could, all at the same time. Just start telling, just out loud, just tell your kids what they mean to you. And, I mean, it was like 25 sets of parents just sitting there just talking about. And then when I had them stop, I said, do you think that they were able, that your child was able to hear what you were saying? They was like, no. I said, so as parents, when they're in those quiet spaces at home, we need to be pouring into them, because that's how the world, they get all this stuff coming at them from every different angle. But if you're pouring things into them at home, regardless of the noise, they'll be able to tune in to what you're saying, because it's not just in their head. They have a feeling. You know, it's kind of like when you have babies and they newborn and you're going in and you watching, watching them sleep because you want to see their chest go up and down.
[00:43:12] Speaker A: Right.
[00:43:13] Speaker B: To be that type, we need to get back to that. That's where we're at with the amount of kids that we're losing.
[00:43:21] Speaker A: That's good right there.
That's good. Especially with that. That whole noise piece.
Yeah. Because you definitely have to fight for their attention, especially at school. And, you know, just think about, like, all the social media that's around nowadays, and if it's not that, it's.
It's the circle of friends that they actually have at school. And, of course, you know, as parents, you don't, you don't get a chance to see everybody that they're associated with at school, but nonetheless, they're making an impact on your kid in some type of way. And you might not know it, positive or negative, they're making the impact, and hopefully it's for the positive, but when you. You mentioned fitting out, they trying to fit in, but they got fit out. Right. For whatever. Whatever reason. That made me think about Jesus at the well with the samaritan woman. At a time when you don't have Jews hanging out or associating with Samaritans, they looked at him as being somebody that was beneath them, but also the fact that here he is talking to this lady. And so no matter what he did, he was always going against the grain. He wasn't doing what he was doing for notoriety or for popularity. He was doing it because he was on a mission. And I think when I know kids are young, and it's like, you have to. You have to be able to talk to them, but also be curious, ask the questions, especially when they. When they give, like, a response for whatever, you know, for whatever it is that you may ask them. Why do you think this way? Or why do you come up with that? That answer that way? You just start. You start digging in a little bit. You start probing, but you're also forcing them to think and find out, okay, where do they get this ideology from or just this thought? And you're actually finding a way to actually engage with them. And now you're starting to understand their thought process, but then it gives you an opportunity to actually school them as well.
So, I mean, Mandy, we have so many lessons and things that we can actually share, but just finding that right time to actually talk where it's being received, where the guards are down, nobody has attitude.
[00:45:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Yep. You get them in that moment of vulnerability, and you start to establish that trust.
[00:45:57] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:45:58] Speaker B: And then, you know, they can see a little bit of light.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: Right. You know, so what do you think? Some of your best ways or some ways that you actually. Maybe a skill or strategy that you might have to actually break through and actually get to a place? Okay. Now I think I'm making some, some headway with this young one. He's starting to listen.
[00:46:23] Speaker B: I think one of the, one of the advantages is my listening skills, but also, too, just the tone of my voice.
And then, like, knowing. And I say, this is a God given gift because it's like if, when I'm in these uncomfortable situations where, you know, it's traumatic and there's vulnerability is not so much as being able to say something, it's listening and then knowing when to interject at the right time. So that has been a blessing for me.
Like, I know when it may just needs, in addition to those listening skills, when I may need to hold a hand, when I may need to touch that shoulder, you know, maybe put my hand at the smaller back or maybe even a hug. And I say, that's a God, God given gift because that's something that has been, that I've been able to facilitate, especially on, like, funeral services. So just the calmness, the ability to listen to and to be able to hear, to give them the space to just be able to talk and to get it out. Because I had a young kid, he was clowning me in one of the talks, but I watched him before he went. I was sitting there. This is why he went in the building. And he had an ankle monitor on. And when he got to the door, he reached down to cover it up.
So that gave me some insight. And so I kind of talked to him one on one, and he wouldn't even look at, I said, just, I said, look at me.
And I just. I just. In that quiet voice, I said, tell me about it.
And I could see his eyes start to swell up.
And I knew in that moment, he had lost somebody close to him and he hadn't dealt with it. He too.
And so just giving him the opportunity to kind of go from when it started, like, when he was, like, the unfolding of the trauma up until then.
And so.
But, yeah, I would say those two things, like the power of listening and then just that calm and soothing voice. And my sister calls it my funeral director voice. Like being able, I can diffuse a situation. Like, I can have people hollering and screaming and combative coming at me from every different direction, but the voice will calm and bring the situation down. And then also too, like, knowing how to communicate with people. Like, even though they appear, like, bringing them down. Like, if I'm coming into a volatile situation, you know, say, for example, I go outside and there's a family that's outside, and it's like 50 of them, and you walk out the door and they all rush up to you. It doesn't frighten me because everybody saw hard skipping one time. And so all I do is just say, hey, if I can hear you, I can understand you. And if I didn't want to help you, I wouldn't be out here. But I'm gonna need us to bring it down so that I can figure out what's going on and how best I can serve you in this moment. Always works.
[00:49:58] Speaker A: That's good. Yeah, that's good. So what do you, what do you think? Um, are some of, like, I guess some of the common mistakes that people make when it comes to, like, just engaging in and talking with, whether it's youth or just coaching in general?
I mean, you, I guess it's your level of expertise and in arena that you're actually focused on.
[00:50:25] Speaker B: Say, like, leave the. Leave the. Leave the judgment table and just give them the opportunity to share.
Because at the end of the day, all of us have got moments that we're not proud of. There's things that we've done we're not proud of, but when we go to the table and we have the accusation, accusatory tone, body language, things like that, that's going to totally turn the situation off.
And I think sometimes kind of being able to put yourself, like, in, you know, in their shoes, you know, because a lot of times there's levels to what they're dealing with. It's not just a surface thing. And this is probably compound effect from years of things that they've gone through. So it's not going to be something that's going to happen instantaneously. It's not going to be something that's going to happen overnight, but be willing to be invested not just in that moment, but helping them to get to a moment of breakthrough so that they can get to an experience of hopefulness and not hopelessness.
And so, you know, it's easy for us to say, oh, I wouldn't do this, I wouldn't do that. And then sometimes we'll find ourselves in certain situations where, you know, they may change, like, real fast.
So extending that kindness and compassion is definitely even when you don't want to. And that's the job, too, of a friend or director, like, you know, dealing with families and, you know, high emotional stakes. And, I mean, people talk to us in very disrespectful manners, but it's the most crucial time. So, you know, I don't. I don't take any of that, you know, to heart. You know, it's giving them the freedom to be able to express themselves without holding them against them, but also, too, knowing that they still have to be.
Have to have a certain level of accountability. Like, you can't just let them off the hook. It's like knowing how to. How to communicate with them, where they're going to receive it in a manner where they're willing to apply it, even though it's discipline. So if you can get that, then you can. You can definitely win a lot of battles. It just. You got to be. You got to be patient with it.
[00:52:56] Speaker A: You do.
You do. Wow. As you were talking, man, just, you always, those whole conversation just started to spark and ignite, like, some other stuff because you. What you just said, like, with other people in hearing, like, the outside noise of hearing, whether it's just negative talk or somebody's always talking, and you just got to really be in a place where you have enough confidence in yourself and know that what you're doing isn't for everybody, and everybody doesn't have to like it. And there's always going to be some type of an opinion or somebody who doesn't fully understand what it is that you're doing. So they don't have these remarks towards it, but you just think about those people who fall victim to other, other people's opinions and how that impacts them because, one, it just. It prevents you from really operating and living a purpose or living. Living the life you supposed to live. And now you're actually giving this person or these people power over you. And now you become powerless when you're.
You're such a powerful person and you don't even recognize it or realize how powerful you are because now you just handed over everything that you have towards this person based off an opinion or a thought. Man, that's a cold place to be in.
[00:54:29] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:54:30] Speaker A: That is absolutely.
So what is, like, what is your overall.
Real quick, I know we got to wrap up, but, like, what's your, like, your overall goal and your vision for your coaching program?
[00:54:47] Speaker B: I want to be able to impact our kids at such a level that it not only creates and sparks hope in them, but in every person that they come in contact with.
And being able to do that starting when they're young, like, working from, like, the little babies, like, fifth grade, you know, on up, like, getting those late elementary, middle schoolers, like, getting them at that age to tap into their power and their capabilities to show them that regardless of what they've seen, like, that there is a whole different path that leads to awesome things, if you will allow yourself to go down those paths. And then putting them, like, being able to connect with others that are on the same mission. And then putting them in the spaces so that at every different phase that they go through, they have a positive influence in their life. So it's kind of like you're doing, like, that wave, like, you know, how it goes all around the stadium, like, creating that environment outside of their norm so that when they're going places, when they get the middle school, like, okay, I got my own choice. When they get to high school, when they get to college, and then when they get out, you know, when they get out of high school, if they want to go to college or if they want to do something else, they've got the tools in their toolbox, and they've got the world on how to use those tools to be effective members in society, to give back to others. So that's my ultimate goal, to affect as many young people in a positive way so that they can tap into making those better choices, so that they can create those better chances for their lives and that we can, you know, instead of spending $10,000 on a funeral, you know, we're starting businesses. You know, we are sending kids to college that want to go to college and also teaching them the power of what it means to be, to be uniquely who they were created to be and for the world to experience them, you know, and not worry about having to, you know, keep up with somebody else. Like, to be able to tap into who you are created to be and be okay with that. Find the people because your people are fine. Because you don't have to have a lot of. A lot of friends.
You know, it just takes a couple. I said, and you don't have to have a lot of people around you. It only takes one person to see something in you that could totally change the trajectory of your life.
[00:57:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:57:40] Speaker B: I promise you, it's. If they just see that, like, it just take one person.
[00:57:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:57:46] Speaker B: To see that greatness in you, and it will totally change, change your life. And so I want them to get a chance, like, when they wake up, like, I tell people, I used to give people houses, like, why you always so, so happy? And so, like, you know, when I come in, when I get ready to go we'll go into the building. I know what I'm walking into every single day.
[00:58:10] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:58:10] Speaker B: Because I know there's a lot of people that came through that gate. They came in that building flat on their back, that's in 36 degrees. And I was like, you know, to be able to be here, to effect change and to be able to inspire others to be the best version of themselves, I want the kids to have a taste of that, to see how that feels. And I think that they will go far beyond than they ever dreamed or imagined.
[00:58:35] Speaker A: That's right. That's right.
Ah, yeah.
If you. I mean, just think about, like, how many, even adults right now who aren't. I don't know, for whatever reason, they're. They're wearing a mask. They're not even. They're not even being who they were created to be as far as, like, whether it's just goofiness or just being fun, outgoing personality.
They just allowed the past and all these outside circumstances dictate who they are and what they're expressing.
Man, if. If people could just be free. Just free. Just remove the barriers. Remove. Take off this mask. Allow us to see the real you. This world will be a totally different place.
[00:59:27] Speaker B: Absolutely. Because every last, every last person is a piece to the puzzle.
[00:59:32] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:59:32] Speaker B: I mean, if you got all the same pieces, it wouldn't even be right, you know? But being able to have that, and that's one of the things I think about too. Like, being able to share with people, you know, only on the adult side of things. Like being able to see, like, be in those moments where, like, if you knew how many, because on. On the news and in the media, you only see, like, the negative things.
But you don't see that brother, that husband, you don't see that father that just got off the phone with his daughter, with his wife, and somebody ran him off the road.
And now he's like, life is precious.
[01:00:21] Speaker A: It is.
[01:00:22] Speaker B: It's just that, like, if you could take a walk, I tell people, if I can walk you on my journey for just even a week, I promise you it will give people a totally different outlook on life. Like being able to view through my lens.
And I said, maybe one of these days I'm gonna write a book. These eyes have seen. I've seen a lot that I think would, you know, inspire people to, like you said, take off the mask. Because all the stuff that we put on and even some of the young ladies that be, I was like, you know, you can put everything on, but when you come into our world, it all comes off the lashes, the wig, like that. Authenticity. Yeah, that's one of. That's one. That's part of my triple a, the attitude, the association and authenticity. If I want authentically pamd, you know, I wouldn't have the people who depend on me to get them through those tough times in their life. You know, the people who call at 03:00 in the morning because they loved one, you know, has passed away, or who calls asking, you know, without telling that I don't have much longer and being able to, you know, decipher that conversation and what they're saying, but they trust you to take care of their family in their absence. You know, we're taking care of those things. So if we all show up, you know, as a ver. And that's not saying that we're not going to evolve and get better. You want to, you know, you want to have that growth, but, you know, let the authentic you show up. That attitude, if it's a jovial side that you have, you know, don't be afraid to let that out because the people that need you, they can't find you. Cause you hide.
[01:02:20] Speaker A: Don't hide from nobody.
[01:02:23] Speaker B: Hide behind those masks.
[01:02:25] Speaker A: That's right. So at this phase, before we wrap up, like at this phase in your life now, how would you define success.
[01:02:37] Speaker B: As being able to impact others? Like, how I make, how I show up for others, you know, what can I do to enhance the lives of others at this phase is, like, how to do that on the grandest scale possible and being able to. And I think that's another thing, too. Getting outside of the office and being able to actually have the time and the capacity to be able to show up more so before I'm needed at the end, you know, now I get to show up at some of the beginnings and, you know, in the middle and, you know, step into some of those gaps. So for me, that's that success, you know, it doesn't have a. You can't put a value on it. We're going into 20 years of marriage next year and doing some great things, being able to see my son grow and to be a better version of than what me and my husband are, you know, with his skill set that he has, but also just being able to inspire like others to, you know, go for what they want, you know, but at the end of the day, it's all about serving people. I think that's the greatest thing.
[01:03:56] Speaker A: That's it.
Ladies and gentlemen, y'all heard it first from Petey, where.
[01:04:07] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, yeah.
[01:04:08] Speaker A: That was good. I appreciate you coming on. That was.
[01:04:11] Speaker B: Appreciate the invitation, Miss Wells. Definitely. It's been a pleasure.
[01:04:14] Speaker A: That was good. That was good right there. So if anybody wants to get in contact you, contact with you or follow you, what can I get?
[01:04:23] Speaker B: You can check me out on my website, pdwareinspires.com. it's peedywear inspires on Instagram. And also peedywear inspires on Facebook.
I've got a blog on my website you can check out. And if you're looking, if you need somebody to come out and speak to your youth, you need something that's different, then definitely visit my website and look for more things to come. And you can check out my YouTube page, it's pediawear. And check out.
So.
[01:04:57] Speaker A: Oh, y'all contact this lady and I'm happy links and everything else is so in the, in the episode too, as well, so people could contact you.
[01:05:09] Speaker B: Okay.
[01:05:10] Speaker A: Yes, ma'am.
[01:05:11] Speaker B: I appreciate it.
[01:05:12] Speaker A: Mister D. I just want to thank Petey ware from coming on the show. Yes, thank you. Petey ware from coming on the show.
This girl has a huge heart. And you could. You just, you can just tell when somebody is just, they're operating on a whole nother level of faith. And you just think about how, how hard it is just to leave a job or career where you're comfortable. You. You're at the top, and all of a sudden you say, you know what? I'm hearing the voice of God. It's time for me to turn it in so I could do what he really called me to do. And so I just love how, you know, once she shared her, her transformative thrive framework, focusing on hope and resilience and empathy, but also her passion for youth and helping them transform into the person they really need to become.
That's going to take some work.
But when we, when we actually just make the conscious decision to be this person where God is, he's able to use us. Things happen in your life and it actually affects those who are around you.
Bravo, PD. Where. Thank you all.
Hey, next week, we are back at it. We are back at it with another episode.
Oh, wow. This episode here or coming up, we're going to be joined by Miss Ashlyn Cole, who has her own coaching business as well, but also, she was on Sunday's best. She's a gospel artist and she teaching other people how to use her voice to inspire others as well. You'll be intrigued by her story, her love, her passion for life.
Can't wait for y'all to hear it. In the meantime, you all have a blessed week. And remember, we cannot become what we need if we remain where we are. God bless. Dwells is out.
